Life according to me

The script that still hasn't been looked at!!

2011-11-07T11:07:00.000-08:00

Why is it that the things we know to be the most important in life almost always tend to be the ones that are side-lined whilst the mundane aspects of existence leisurely eat up copious amounts of time, especially mine???

A sane view would be to assign time where it was most required. Afterall weekends are all too fleeting, absorbed (as they are) by trips to the supermarket where all manner of braindead minions seem to instinctively know which aisle I want to be down and aim to prevent me from doing so. Then there are the delightful queues at the bank designed to forever remain static despite the valiant efforts of two middle aged women who never have enough colleagues to sit the three empty desks. And lest we forget the two pairs of canine brown eyes who stare longingly at me whilst I hastily eat a toasted (and always slightly burnt) waffle in the morning.
Perhaps I need to manage my time better or perhaps I'd be better suited assuming the life of a hermit where at least I may have a chance at working on something that might well change my life.

I'm not a diabolical genius or crazed inventor obsessed with time travel or anything but in my own way I hold the key for change. Yes, that desperate hope I've held for well over a decade of being a proper film director is within my grasp...finally. After a multitude of failed or abandoned projects, of half finished cinematic endeavours and scripts that were barely legible I finally have a decent chance. All things really do come to those who wait.
It's called 'Mannequin Kind' and was developed by myself, Julie and our friend Michael Lieber who is going to be starring in the lead role. It's been something we've talked over since February and in January we'll be shooting with an aim to enter the short film festivals............so watch out, the revolution is coming!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's been too long, lets get this thing updated!!!

2011-09-08T10:17:00.001-07:00

Greetings,

I have returned from the darkness to enlighten you all once more as to my present situation and whereabouts. And before anyone out there starts thinking just who, the hell, is this guy and why should I care? I wish to make it clear that I am in no way an egomaniac and I am well aware that my influence would be lucky to push the dizzy heights of three in terms of followers but, well...everyone has to start somewhere. So for those precious few of you who actually wish to read on I shall endeavour to continue.

In fact so much has happened I'm finding it difficult to choose a point from which to restart my story but in the interests of decency I think I'll start in January of last year, the 24th to be precise (if I have in fact covered this please feel at liberty to skip on). Why the 24th?? Why not the 23rd?? The 23rd would be a great point to start as it was the night I finally got to see Kittie live in Camden...something I'd wanted to do for around a decade. Of course it may have made even more sense to pick the 20th, my 28th birthday but I shall stay with the 24th for one very important reason...Julie Saunders!!!

I met her in a rain swept car park at Southend Victoria train station on a Sunday afternoon having had a late night the previous Saturday in London where I'd spent my birthday money on vinyl and (as I mentioned) later on saw Kittie. The trains in truth were not running, at least not as far as Southend, and a replacement bus service was put into effect which is why I was perched atop a flower bed in a jumper/hoody thing I'd bought whilst working in Burtons (gotta love a staff discount). The reason for all this can be placed firmly on a frustrated afternoon in that period of time between Christmas & New Year when everybody flocks to malls and desperately hunts for bargains in largely disappointing sales. My sitcom, High Spirits was still just a script, my attempts to convert it into a cheaply made pilot lay left in tatters by the way side and I wondered if anyone out there could help. So with a quick trip to Gumtree I scribbled a hasty advert pleading for actors, equipment and anyone who wanted to help and waited for the floods of emails. The four I recieved looked promising at first but all turned out to be time wasters (why is the internet full of those jerks) and then I get a fifth, this ones a girl..ding dong!! I replied, she emailed back..so far so good. We moved our correspondents to facebook, which I recommended purely because it gives the other person more of an idea of who you are, afterall we upload pictures and fill in all those like/dislike boxes for bands, music etc. First thing I noticed was how hot she was and then how much in common we had and then finally that she was single. We arrange to meet up and she came from Shepperton to Southend and it was a match made in heaven, we've never looked back from that instant onwards, although it took a few weeks to finally confirm our sentiments to each other and do stuff like hold hands. Julie I love you more than you can ever know.

Did we actually film a pilot for High Spirits? Honestly? Well, no it's yet to be anything but a script but who knows what the future holds. I've been too busy working on other projects since film school.

WWWWWWWWHAT!!!!! Film school? What? When? How? Why? Ok so you're reading this in the privacy of your own space but can I at least hope I evoked such a reaction?
In the January of this year (that's 2011) I enrolled on a certificate film-making course at the London Film Academy and had a blast. After the over indulgences of Christmas and months of pleading those in charge at work to let me take the time off I spent a month learning about HOW to make a movie and actually MAKE a movie. I made a promise to myself that I would be top of class for once in my life, that I would push for something I wanted to achieve and not allow the opportunity to slide through my fingers like my GCSE's, A-levels and University education. There we 12 of us and only 4 films being made, those chosen to direct would have to prove themselves worthy of such an accolade and EVERYBODY wanted to direct. I pulled out every stop and was chosen to direct a short film by the name of Heirloom that I was able to stamp my mark upon. I cast a young actor by the name of Michael Lieber who has since become a good friend to Julie and I and who called us up with an idea for a movie that we are now preparing to shoot when we all the relevant time available. Being at the LFA gave me a huge boost of confidence in myself and belief that I can do something that people might well respect me for. We'll have to see on that one but while I'm blowing emphatically on my own trumpet I'm going to say that I graduated with a distinction, something most others didn't manage. MUST BE HUMBLE, MUST BE HUMBLE!!!

You may not know that Julie and I also have our own radio show on www.essex-radio.com on Wednesdays at 8PM and sometimes we get as many as 3, that's 3 whole listeners. Can I hope to double these figures? Or even scale the dizzy heights of double figures, who knows??

Stay tuned for more of these blog entries, seriously there's so much I haven't even touched upon...and if you respond I promise I'll continue with stories about the 4 weddings...yes 4 and I might even touch upon just how I chipped my elbow. If you're really lucky I might give details of our new business venture in making music promo's for some awesome new bands.

Curious??

Dammit Janet!!!!!!!

2010-09-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

A fond greeting I bid all of you who have returned to read this blog, I shall endeavour to be worthy of your time. But, I make no promises.

From my last blog post until this very moment rather a lot has happened, some of it funny, some of it dull, with (by far) the largest portion dedicated to the killing of time until the weekend showed up and I got to see Julie....let me off I'm in love.

Lets see, the week pretty much passed without much incident, the usual pattern of waking up, going to work, returning and falling asleep saw off that Monday through Friday slog. Because for me friday night is the point I long for, 2 whole days spent with Julie and a late night that very evening. This friday we rented the new Ridley Scott 'Robin Hood' movie using a free voucher we had claimed online....thankfully therefore we parted with no actual money for that privilege. Were I to delve into the numerous reasons for that movies failings I'd be here until the day after doomsday....yes it really is that bad, not AVATAR bad but close enough. What annoyed us most was the fact that it came from Ridley Scott....the dude knows better, I mean this is THE guy who gave us 'Alien' and 'Blade Runner'!!!!!! Add to this the drunken comments of my mother who chose to remind us at every opportunity that the historical accuracy was far removed from reality and the fact that its 150 minute running time dragged its heels to the point where death seemed a viable option of escape!!!! Watch at your own risk!!!

On Saturday we made our way to Southend for an errand but ended up staying in town for a while. Julie found an awesome dress that she'd wanted for about 20 years...perhaps I should clarify, it was the style rather than a specific dress left haning on a rail since 1990. We had lunch in 'The Alex' which for those of you unfamiliar with Essex is an alternative pub where Julie and had our first meeting way back in January. We then paid a visit to my nan; returned home; cooked a meal and curled up on the sofa to watch 'The Hangover' of sky movies. Another terrible movie...what are the odds. Ever since it came out I've heard nothing but praise for this damned film so, naturally, expectations were raised. Not one laugh did either of us have :(
Thankfully Julie had bought a copy of 'Mafia 2' so the evening perked up considerably as we stole cars and sold them to dodgy Italian-American characters.

Now on Sunday we recorded our first ever radio show which will hopefully be aired on Essex-radio....worry not I shall post a link in due course. I don't want to say too much until we know whats going to happen with it but we had a great time doing it and look forward to recording more. Stay tuned!!!!!!!

Why the Freddy pic above???? Simple the original movie came out today on blu ray and I (naively) thought I'd go and pick it up from Southend this afternoon. No such luck with the sucky shops we have here to I've had to purchase it on play.com and won't be able to give it a spin until thursday (postman permitting)

Stay cool people
Love

Not going to Jamaica!!!!!

2010-09-20T08:50:00.000-07:00

As late afternoon morphs seemlessly into evening on what has been a cloudy monday I find myself trying to piece together every thread of the weekend just passed and realising that for 2 days spent not doing much rather a lot happened....confused, I shall explain.

For me the weekend begins not on saturday morning but friday afternoon, 3.05pm to be exact...the very moment that the school bell rings out and finally offers me liberty from the shackles of the work arena. Another week over, another weekend to spend with Julie and the sanity that she provides for me whilst I regale to her the details of my last (and largely pointless) 5 days. Our weekend was originally to be spent in Southend but due to a family gathering in Liverpool and the necessity of looking after Snowy it was obvious that I would be driving down to Shepperton afterall. Not that I am for one second complaining...a flat to ourselves, an escape from Southend, the chance to listen to more Smodcasts (more on that later) and two whole days spent with Julie is more than I could ever wish for. As usual I jumped into my car at 8 and got stuck in what was left of the frantic traffic jams that block the Dartford Bridge on a friday evening as everyone and his dog seems intent on doing the same. Not that it bothers me when I have a long back list of Smodcasts to plough through and an ipod with more memory than I know what to do with. To those of you scratching your heads in wonder at what the hell a 'Smodcast' is I recommend checking out i-tunes. Nothing more than a podcast put out by Kevin Smith and (usually) Scott Mosier but about as funny and wide ranging as conversations about nothing can be, I've found myself obsessively working my way through the 120 of them that I currently have back logged...only 97 more to go!!!!! Anyway at about 10 I arrive in Shepperton and get to hold Julie after thinking about doing just that since the previous Sunday and we struggle in with the x-box that I brought down so that we could play Assassins Creed 2. One cup of tea later and I'm relaying the details of the weird stalker I have on facebook...yes another one folks....who lives in Egypt this time, how cosmopolitan am I??? Now me being the facebook slut that I am I accept EVERYONE and ANYONE that requests friendship from yours truly and every now again I get a psycho asking me random questions. Now after only 3 days of saying 'hi' on that facebook pop-up chat thingy I'm asked for my phone number and invited to Egypt that night because they want to 'hear my voice'....best thing to do in that situation is log off, IMMEDIATLY!!!! All this and I'm still not finished with Friday night yet, for the best bit is yet to come!! As the early hours of Saturday morning roll into view we are aware of voices outside, lots of voices that quickly esculate to heated and shouting voices and as we peer out of the window a horrible sight awaits our gaze...CHAVS. Not one or two but about 20, all of them inebriated to some degree and all in mutual agreement that the place to be is outside our flat (ok it's not 'our' flat but we were the only ones there). Before we can take all this in the road is quickly semi blocked as other chavs just pull up and stop to talk, to such a degree that other drivers have to use the opposite side of the road to carry on their journey. Within minutes arguments broke out, kids were swearing at each other, glasses are being broken, two of the bastards decided to lean on my car and three of them chose to enter the garden (our garden) and converse in some privacy. Thankfully with Snowy needing a wee in the garden they rapidly dispersed at the sight of a large husky coming their way but it wasn't until a fight broke out and some complete psycho started headbutting someone who offended him that attentions were diverted away from our front garden. With the wounded man taking refuge in his car as the psycho kicked it and screamed at the window we reached a mutual agreement that enough was enough and called the police, luckily they arrived while Julie was still making the call so someone else must have raised the alarm. Most of them ran away pretty quickly, a few were questioned and 3 of them spent about an hour searching for their car keys that (I'm thinking psycho boy) had thrown into the park across the road. Eventually they gave up and went home only to return early on saturday morning when after 30 mins they found the keys and finally buggered off, we hoped permanantly.

Wishing to explore somewhere I'd never been I asked Julie what was around Shepperton and she mentioned Kingston, not the place in Jamaica but a town on the outskirts of London with a massive mall and large number of charity shops...awesome lets go, I want pre-cert VHS tapes and random vinyl!!!!! Apparently parking is both a nightmare and staggeringly expensive in Kingston so we went by train which was far from reasonable as a valid alternative option, £5.50 to go 10 minutes down a train track is tantamount to rape of the wallet in my book. Nevertheless its a place I haven't been and has the potential to be awesome.....a potential that was never at any point in danger of being met. Of the three charity shops we found only one had vinyl, all of it 1970's organ music collections, none of them held any VHS and the people in there gave us the dirtiest looks I've ever seen. So lets check out this mall...thats if we can find the damned thing because it would appear that the idea of signposts is a concept all but lost to the local council who seem more interested in hiking up parking prices, 90p for 30mins!!!!!!! What's this we find...a market. Could be interesting, wait is that a stand selling cheese that has more flies buzzing around than an Indian cow...a dead Indian cow. Nice, but what the hell is this, a massive shack/stall selling VHS tapes. Yes, I did almost wet myself at the discovery of this but sadly everything I wanted looked as though it had been pissed on, dried in the sun for 10 years and then offered to slugs as food. Every sleeve was bleeched white, brittle and/or missing large sections dissolved by (I can only imagine) garden slugs. The fruits of my search.....one pre-cert copy of 'War of the Worlds' (1953) that Julie bought me from a shop keeper so old he looked like an exhibit in The British Museam. The mall itself, was it enough to redeem Kingston and warrant an eager return??? In a word, no!!! A boring, generic place with no character and braindead consumers...pretty much like everywhere else then.
As we returned to the flat we decided to immediatly pop to Tesco's in the car and pick up some ingredients for dinner so that once we were back we were done for the eveing, shoes off, crappy movie to watch and each other to cuddle. Our crappy movie of choice from the options available to us...'The Taking of Pelham 123'....the remake!!!!! Dare I spend hours discussing just why we hated it as much as we did or is it perhaps best for everyone if we just avoid that avenue and all agree that even Eli Roth has made better movies than this?? I think we should leave it, its for the best.
To our joy (and surprise) we were again disturbed my noise outside the flat as another group of chavs gathered right in our front garden and once more took the opportunity to shout, swear and punch each other before eventually dispersing at an ungodly hour.

Which leaves us with Sunday, which offered a great opportunity to play 'Assassin's Creed II' before we remembered that the bit we're stuck on is impossible to beat and after countless attempts...well we gave up. Instead we played the Sherlock Holmes game and took steps to catch Jack The Ripper.

And that's it really, apart from me forcing Julie to watch the 50's 'War of the Worlds' that happened to be on Sky movies.
Which leads up to me relaying this all to you right now as I count the hours down until friday again so that I can be with Julie.

Take care people
xx

Hmmmmmm????

2010-09-14T08:35:00.000-07:00

Not much to report here today if I'm honest...what else did you expect, a car chase or terrorist attack??

Right this minute I'm updating my website to try and back up my claims of being a legit writer whilst at the same time making sure I don't give too much away and find my blood & tears plagiarized by somebody else.

http://rosslevere.webs.com/

enjoy
xx

Romeo's Daughter!!!!!!!!!!

2010-09-13T09:46:00.000-07:00

I just had to put this on here, it's the legendary Jeff Goldblum at a stage door in London :)

Hello again,

Dare I start with a profound apology and beg forgiveness for not actually updating this blog as I'd promised??? Perhaps I should but I won't, life has been getting on top of me lately and to be honest the idea of taking time out to spill my mind on the web to my adoring fans who perhaps number 4 just didn't seem worth it.

What matters now is that presently I am here updating the happenings of my life over the last few weeks and months....so bitch no more, the wait is at an end :)
I guess the most striking thing to happen recently would be the death of my grandad on the 31st July. Not that I'm being blaise over the loss of an important family member but we all knew that time wasn't abundantly on his side. He had both prostate and bone cancer which combined with an age of 86 means that really you're left to count the clock down with the target of being as comfortable as possible. So it has to be said that with some fortune he was admitted to hospital the day after my parents flew to China for a 10 day vacation. There he was given the best care and without failure either my sister or I would see him everyday. In fact we were waiting for the doctor to allow him to go home, waiting for the day when they said he would be discharged 'tomorrow'. With my parents returning on the 31st (July) it would be only a short time before all of us were able to pull together and look after him in the comfort of his own home. The last time I spoke to him was on the Friday, the day before I'd been the best man at some very good friends of mine (more on that later) and had been unable to visit him with Julie. So on that friday I was anxious to see how he was doing and whether we had a discharge date yet. Julie and I found him still sleeping and were in two minds on whether to wake him when I nurse kindly stepped in and made that decision for us by lightly tugging on grandads big toe. He then woke and smiled at us, apologising for being so tired but that he'd had a rough night and that he had only managed to catch about an hour of sleep. And with absolutely no knowledge that I'd never be able to talk to him again Julie and I said our goodbyes and shook his hand promising to come back when he felt better tomorrow. The next time we saw him he had been moved to a private room and had taken a serious turn for the worse. The doctor appeared after 20 minutes to tell me that death was close...that night or early morning close and that I was to say goodbye now or perhaps miss my chance. What do you say to a dying relative with no preparation knowing that it might be the last time you ever see them??? That they don't ever brace you for but I said a few words from the heart, made a few calls and spoke to family members. Within an hour of me leaving his side he passed away and only a few hours short of dad coming home to see his dad.
Inevitably the following weeks were spent organising funeral details, coming to terms with the loss and looking back at his life and sharing a few precious memories.
Rest up grandad.....Ronald Levere 1924 - 2010 x x

Work has been driving me nuts of late, 4 months in and I'm already rather frustrated...now that has to be some sort of record because usually it's a matter of weeks. Why?? You may well ask and you'd be right to. Can I give a clear answer, perhaps?? Frankly I'm bored and 2 weeks ago I had a mini break down when I came to the conclusion that life hasn't gone where I wanted it to....the answer??? A film-making course in London!! Yes, that old dream of being able to study film-making and get me some experience in the industry I love so much. The reality is perhaps a little less easy to achieve but this time I want to follow my heart and avoid ignoring it only to find that the middle aged man staring back at me from the dusty mirror is me and that my life has been spent wallowing in fantasy and shite jobs. Not that I am for a moment being pessimistic here, I have afterall finished my film script and am rather proud of it for a change. But lets remove those rose tinted glasses and take in the horrible hue of reality. I'm a teaching assistant in a school populated largely (although not entirely) by kids who have about as much desire to learn ANYTHING as I do for joining a golf club. The days roll into weeks, then months, terms, years etc...I want out. Like The Ramones sang 'it's not my place in the 9 to 5 world, no it's not my place' I wanna make movies. Nothing new in this revelation but unlike instances passed I know have the perfect girlfriend by my side....Julie Saunders. She makes me so happy that I could write all day about it but to those of you too jealous or queasy to stomach such sentiments I shall refrain from causing you to revisit this mornings breakfast. Suddenly the last 7 years that I have struggled to make any sort of ripple appear wasted and it has become crystal clear that I just haven't tried...or tried hard enough...to get any of my scripts read by those with any power. The reason??? Disorganisation?? Contacts?? Nope!! I just didn't have Julie and now that I'm lucky enough to have her I don't want to let either her or myself down by living in la-la land anymore....reality must improve!!!

Hang on!!!! What about Romeo's Daughter??? Well I collect random movie soundtracks on vinyl and a few months back Julie bought me a copy of Nightmare on Elm Street 5 - The Dream Child and on it was an awesome song called 'Heaven in a back seat' by Romeo's Daughter. Today in a charity shop I found a CD copy of the album by Romeo's Daughter that the song was taken from...the upshot being that for the extortionate price of £1 I have the album on my ipod :) Cool ain't I????

Peace and love
xx

As promised!!!!

2010-07-27T05:47:00.000-07:00

Yes, I may well have been threatening to update this blog on a more frequent basis so I thought that far from throwing down a non-existant gauntlet from time to time I'd prove a point....and, well, you're here.

Today I have (thus far) been wrestling with the audacity programme in order to further my influence on the world through the medium of internet radio. Not exactly a massive undertaking but please be aware that it comes without any instructions and won't accept MP4 files which dramatically reduces my back catalogue of music. Nevertheless I shall persevere with creating a pilot and with a little fortune shall be making my joint debut on the airwaves.

Other creative projects are in need of attention and will be looked into over the coming weeks. Although my attentions may be swayed by the new xbox 360 that sits in the corner and tempts me from acheiving what it is I wish to.

love
x

Can I just gather a little composure here???

2010-07-21T09:06:00.001-07:00

Well it's apparent that I've neglected this blog again, despite empty promises to the contrary I've failed to keep you informed of my life and it's interesting dips.

Sadly I have been dealing with my ailing grandfather who has been battling cancer and is in some considerable pain. I wish I were able to say he were home safe and sound but currently he is in hospital for observation..but at least hes got the best available care. I shall see him tomorrow after work and see how he is.

With the summer holidays starting tomorrow also I have a number of projects to start/complete and a variety of trips to make in another (and more forceful) attempt to get me an agent for my scripts.

Up in the air!!!!!!!!!!

2010-06-10T09:14:00.000-07:00

Life is so often filled with unforeseen circumstances that from time to time it is a sound idea to stand back and take stock. The nature of twists and turns being what they are it is often noticeable only in hindsight exactly where we stand in relation to perhaps a position we firmly held only a few weeks previously. All too easily I have found myself unemployed either through redundancy or gross misconduct (seriously) and been forced to cancel plans I had carefully (or recklessly) laid out for the near future. So it is with a smile and small sense of wonder that I find myself not only employed in a steady environment but, more importantly, in a job that I actually don't dread in the morning.
Only 3 months ago my sole source of income was £40 a night from STORM which was not only demoralising due largely to the shite music and irritating customers but far too insufficient an amount to keep a man such as myself in luxury.
Only just over 4 months ago I met Julie for what was nothing more than a quiet drink to discuss 'High Spirits' and that has now led to me falling in love with her....and whats great is that she says it back....:)

New job, new motivations, new challenges and new goals!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-05-12T12:11:00.000-07:00

Greetings to those of you out there in the big wide world who read this stuff. I freely admit that my promises to update this blog on a more regular basis are often overlooked and regrettably the vastly random events that litter my life go undocumented. With only a passing mention can I tell you that Julie and I walked past Frank Skinner the other day but decided to not say hello because he annoys us both, fleetingly I can mention the preview screening that we attended for the hideous remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street which was entirely populated with freaks and geeks in Leicester Square and briefly can I relay the odd comment shouted at me by a homeless man as I walked hand in hand with Julie, 'WHY'!! (As he looked me up and down and clearly felt she's too good for me).

After waiting an eternity for the CRB service to check my history and reach the conclusion that I have a non existant criminal record...well apart from the incident at Threshers...but that fine was dropped, dropped I tell you!! I was able to start my new job as a teaching assistant on the 26th of April at Futures Community College in Southend/Shoebury. So far it's been the best job I've ever had which, as you may imagine, is no difficult feat when faced with the list of abhorrant past jobs I've endured since College....Pizza Hut, Virgin Megastore and Grant Communications I'm looking your way!!!!! That is not to say that I haven't met some great people along the way but lets face it working in an off-license ain't exactly going to keep boredom at bay by itself (David those conversations we had were invaluable)

With starting a new job I have set in motion a chain of events to eradicate the stigma of debt that I presently carry. Not that I'm thousands of pounds in the black but Barclays being the bastard bank that it is I'm a tad overdrawn following a period of unemployment that regrettably blighted my life until last month!!!!
So with a plan in motion I now look forward to saving a little money and perhaps taking a holiday with Julie...the first holiday I've had since 2004 which was hardly a rollercoaster ride for numerous reasons!!!!
The possibility of getting a flat fills me with so much excitement I almost burst when I think that waking up with Julie in my arms could be a daily occurence...man am I in love!!!!!!

Now as wonderful as all of this is I have unfortunately found it difficult to continue with my writing. Dr Kaneleigh is languishing somewhere at Castle Morell and needs to find salvation in a satisfactory conclusion. What I need to do is work on formulating a routine that encorporates my continuing his adventures....more on that later!!!!!

Thus far 2010 has been a year of changes, positive changes......I wonder what else it has in store???

Ever feel like you just don't belong????????

2010-04-07T15:14:00.000-07:00

There is nothing new or original in feeling alien in what should be the immediate opposite but for some reason I've never felt more distant. Despite no dramatic changes in the family environment I have noticed of late an all together unsettling tone in the house and instead of making an effort to discuss I'd rather wash my hands and think no more of the matter.
Does this make me a bad person? Am I selfish for seeing things in this light? Or have I just reached the end of the road and come to realise that despite every effort I end up with nothing but failure. Perhaps I should attempt to explain the intricate details of each family member to clarify for you the position I feel I am in. Perhaps, instead, I should ignore this impulse and chronicle the innermost workings of my mind.
Or is it not time to stop talking and start doing???

Today has been an uneventful one, time has dragged by slowly and the skies have been heavy with rain, my car is faulty and unable to transport me anywhere unless I risk causing irrepairable damage.....which I can ill afford.
My CRB check is STILL at the fucking police station waiting for the fourth stage to clear and allow me the opportunity to start my job. A job not that I have any burning desire to begin but one that will bring in more money and will hopefully carry with it an escape from the monotony that is Rayleigh and possibly even Essex...fingers crossed there people.
Time and again the boring lives of those around me have brought me down to level I have no desire to be on. At optimist at heart and with a thousand burning desires entombed in my breast I am forced to find myself in a sort of limbo...my only salvation being the all too short hours spent with Julie.
I have to find a way out of this, there has to be someone with a helping hand to free of this social quick sand. Just one chance to make reality that which I can but fantasise about.

I'll keep you posted

Creative fires burning, falling in love and kicking those plans for the future up the arse!!!!!!!!

2010-04-06T18:04:00.001-07:00

To those of you dedicated enough to have followed this blog from its inception I am indebted, however small your numbers may be it is nonetheless comforting to know that the trials and tribulations of my existance have not passed completely unnoticed. There has been over the last 12 months a number of occasions where I have defiantly asserted proposals that for one reason or another have yet to be accomplished. Goals such as securing an agent, for example, have at times seemed an easy target to achieve and with some sorrow I have been forced to reconsider and most probably rewrite the 'masterpiece' created from the depths of my mind.
Projects such as 'High Spirits' have as yet remained overlooked and undiscovered by TV executives and producers who I'm sure are looking for the next great sitcom to drag in viewers to BBC3. Even smaller scale productions proposed by old high school friends who are currently studying film making have thus far promised me schedules that have failed to produce anything but a passing conversation. Any and every meagre contact I have at my disposal has, I fear, been exhausted either through lethargy, bullshit, persistant badgering or more often than not a combination of all three.
However all is not doom and gloom, for on the 24th January (the day after I finally saw Kittie live) I met up with the most amazing person ever to enter my life...and all because of an advert I placed on Gumtree.com
Now I'm sure that I have detailed this story before and lets face it over the last few months I have been neglecting this blog so going back won't be too taxing a task but I believe today has made a difference.
Placing the aforementioned ad in relation to 'High Spirits' I was only too happy to discuss another project that I had been developing in the weeks since the previous series completion. That idea being 'Stage Exit' I hoped that taking time to write a second show would prove my diversity and commitment to anyone out there willing to give me five minutes of their time. But this was quickly diverted for something far more exciting and important....something that I had all but given up on ever glancing my eyes over. Yes, dear old Dr Kaneleigh has been resurrected, resusitated from literary death and given a complete overhaul to follow the intention I originally had for him and not the x-files rip off that a certain (empty headed) ex-fiance had decreed it should be.
What this all means is that after only 11-12 weeks of dating Julie I have created a script that I am truly passionate about. No longer do I wish simply to sell the project to a studio and cash my cheque as somebody else takes control and craps over my vision. NO!!!!!! Now I have very clearly in mind what it is I wish to achieve, not only creatively but spiritually....by that I mean in life. You see what has struck me very deeply is that although I was engaged to a woman (who is now a full blown lesbian) I never had any plans for the future....I never saw us living together and certainly never took any steps to instigate that into reality. Yes, I was engaged but I never planned a wedding, never saw the future in terms of years or even decades...I may have wanted to at certain times but in my heart I never felt fully behind the idea.
Today as I think of projects and how to pursue them realistically I think of doing so in the hope of raising some finance to be with Julie, not just in a Starbucks over a cup of Earl Grey but in a flat, our flat. In Canada on holiday, front row at a gig, taking pictures, making cakes, playing guitars, getting lost and building a bank of memories together, forever.
Tomorrow is another day and one that takes me a step closer to that future which seemed so impossible to imagine...I love you Julie xxxxxxxxx

Sorry for the silence of late......

2010-03-22T10:22:00.001-07:00

What has happened in the last month and a bit since my last blog update I hear you ask, well the handful of you that read this stuff....wonder no longer.

I'm not sure what I may have said in regards to Julie, I believe that the information I provided was scant at best because I didn't wish to presume anything in the absence of clarity. What I mean is that I was probably acting a little over cautiously to avoid being hurt or looking like an idiot...again!! We've now been going out for 8 weeks and I've never been happier, everytime I see her my heart races and I can't believe that she's with me.

Creatively speaking I'm now reworking that old 'Ghosts of Castle Morell' script following a conversation with Julie over a coffee. Some major changes have been instigated such as character development, settings and period and I have to say that I'm very pleased with the results so far. At present I'm on page 39 so halfway is approaching fast :)

Yesterday Julie and I met Mark Millar at a Signing for 'Kick Ass' which has been made into a movie recently. I haven't read the comic yet but am looking forward to it very much....the movie sounds great too.
We also had tickets for a screening of 'Harry Brown' at HMV Curzon with an introduction by Ben Drew and one of the producers. Definitely a movie to catch if you can.

Be back soon

Change of pace for once but why is everyone else having such a crap time????

2010-02-11T11:33:00.000-08:00

Over the last three weeks my life has gone through a series of changes and bizarrely they've been for the better....this I'm not used to!!!!

Firstly I have secured a new job as a teaching assistant which means that I can finally abandon bar work as a profession and build on something worth a damn.

Then I meet the most amazing woman after placing an advert on gumtree.com asking for assistance with filming 'High Spirits'.

Then people I haven't seen for a while randomly contact me and my social calender goes through the roof.

What saddens me though is that while all of this is going on I have recieved news of friends parents passing away, relationships ending and jobs being lost. My heart goes out to you all and if any of you need me I'm always here.

After being rejected by the comedy script competition, I may have been a little rash.......or not???????

2010-01-24T19:01:00.001-08:00

This is where it all started.....

Dear Ross

Thank you for your entry to The Sitcom Mission.

We had nearly 500 entries, and the standard of the shortlisted sitcoms was very high. There's only space for 16 in the industry showcase, and we're having to reject over 450.

Yeah, it's one of those, "Sorry, but you haven't been successful this time..." emails. Sorry.

A great number of the sitcoms we received made the same basic error of having undeveloped characters which leads to non-existent plots. We're hosting an Introduction to Sitcom Writing workshop which has writing exercises that will help to address these points. We'll also be able to pass on insights that we've gained from commissioning editors and producers in the industry that will help to improve your writing and make it more marketable. If you'd like to attend, please follow this link:

http://www.comedy.co.uk/sitcom_mission/workshops/2/

Once again, thanks for your entry, and we hope to see you at the shows at the New Diorama Theatre in London:

http://www.comedy.co.uk/sitcom_mission/shows/
http://www.newdiorama.com/

Cheers

My response was thus....

Dear Simon/Declan

I guess I should thank you for sending me an email at all, this industry is a little cut-throat at the best of times and something as trivial as a response has to welcomed with some warmth.
What I find perplexing though is just how you have decided to overlook 'High Spirits', did you even read the segment I sent you?? I'm not claiming that the script is the finest work to grace comedy since The Office but to not even make it to the next round....seriously!!

To then add insult to injury you fob me off with some generalised criticism of creative writing and expect me to pay you good money to attend a course that you're holding later in the year. Ask yourself why I should wish to join such a scheme when my script...and decent script at that...fails to make your shortlist.

Firstly, my characters are not under-developed. I understood exactly who they were from the get go because I based them on myself and two colleagues as we worked in a dreary off-license. Perhaps the experiences in the sitcom are exaggerated but is that not the nature of alternative comedy??? Are you simply looking for the next broad BBC One series that appeals to an undemanding, middle-class, middle aged demographic who are offended by everything that The Daily Mail tells them to be??? If you want another dull series like 'My Family' I wish you every success and apologise for wasting your time, but if you actually are interested in something that has real passion again I ask, why was my series overlooked???
The implication of material being under-developed assumes that the jokes don't work, which is (frankly) an insult. 'High Spirits' is a series that bends the perceptions audiences hold with firmly established genres, leading to uncertainty in the face of a situation, that although ridiculous, we feel familiar with through film/TV. For example in episode five when Lenny believes he has been bitten by a werewolf the humour comes from the characters being unsure of what to do should he actually bark at the moon.

Secondly, I have set-up my own website and self published the entire series online, where a number of people have added words of support and praise for my work. And I wish to bring to your attention my facebook fan page that has close to (and by that I mean 4 short) of 600 members, some of them actors, writers and artists. Can they all be wrong????

Thirdly, and not that you need to know, but I have recently completed a pilot for a new comedy series. This too is outside of the mainstream so I should imagine it wouldn't interest you project but as I once said to Russell Brand....'I'll see you at the top'

Annoyingly
Ross Levere

They then responded with.....

Hi Ross

Thanks for your email. I'll respond to your points in order.

We decided against High Spirits because we feel (and this is our personal opinion, we may be wrong, we have been before and we shall be again) that it wasn't funny enough. Comedy is subjective, but we work with a live audience and we have to consider what will make a great night of comedy theatre. We just couldn't see High Spirits bringing the house down, sorry.

We didn't 'fob you off' with generalised criticism of creative writing, we merely stated why a huge number of entries were rejected. If you feel this point didn't apply to your sitcom, that's fair enough. The invitation to come on the writing workshop was there for those who want to, we're not holding a gun to anyone's head. If you feel you don't want to come, we're quite happy about that. We've already had interest in the workshop from people who received the same email rejection that you did, and one person has already put their money down and booked on the course.

If you'd wanted individual feedback on your script, we offered that option, it's up to you to take it up if you so desire.

Knowing who your characters are is one thing, putting them down on paper and making them accessible to a reader or an audience is another. I'm not saying this is relevant to your script because I'm not giving you feedback on High Spirits, just responding to your point. Please don't take everything in that email personally, it was a general email which we sent out to over 350 people so far. And so far you're the only one to come back so passionately. I commend you on that, but, once again, it's nothing personal.

We're certainly not looking for anything bland or non-offensive. The longlist of 60 or so that we're currently narrowing down to 32 has a great deal of variety in it, and it's a difficult choice to make. We need to think about what is marketable, and High Spirits is unfortunately up against Being Human on BBC3 which is one of the major commissioning channels. Where did you see High Spirits being broadcast?

Please don't take the rejection as a personal insult, but neither Simon or I laughed at all at the episode you sent us. Have you had a reading of it with actors? Have you had it performed live in front of an audience? If you've got 600 facebook friends who are genuinely interested in it, you should have no problem putting it on in a fringe venue and selling the show out. Good luck with that, and please invite us along to see it, we'd love to come.

There's a huge difference between being a writer and working alone and producing a script, to producing either a film or a radio broadcast or live show. One is individual, the others are collaborative. Part of working in any industry is how well you collaborate, and finding the people who you can and want to work with. Those people will gravitate towards you, and it makes the collaborative process so much easier and much more fun. Again, you've got 600 people to choose from, you should have no problems finding the right ones.

Which is the comedy series you've just completed? We'll be looking out for it.

Cheers,

Declan and Simon
Every 1's A Critic!
presenting The Sitcom Mission

To which I replied with.....

Hi Declan,

Having read through the script again I have to say that I think you have made an error in rejecting my work.

I appreciate that things have to be read in context and that with a group of actors the material comes alive, which is exactly the reason that seeing it on stage would have proved such a wonderful opportunity. Have you ever sat and read a script for a show that makes you laugh and realised that doing so just isn't the same, in the same way that reading Shakespeare is wrong.

I guess all this is rather futile in the long run as we don't appear to share opinions on comedy but I felt it necessary to throw in my two penneth regardless. As you have already noted I am very passionate about my work and will not allow this incident to dent the confidence I hold in the ability of my work. Plans are afoot to film a pilot myself and showcase the project to various people eager for a something fresh. I'm thinking Channel 4 rather than BBC 3, who (Mighty Boosh aside) have produced very little to make me laugh or hold any interest....Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps.......I'd rather do Simon Cowell and I hate him!!!!!!!!!!!

Regards,
Ross

The reply was something along the lines of....

Hi Ross

We're not the only sitcom showcase in town. Have you sent this to Sitcom Trials and Sitcom Saturday too? And what about taking it to Edinburgh? Who else have you approached with it? You didn't answer my question about hiring a fringe venue and putting it on there. I'd be really interested to know if you've done these things, and if not, why not?

And don't just make plans to film it, just get out there and do it!

I don't know if we do differ in our views on comedy - you haven't stated yours and I haven't stated mine. I certainly wouldn't take our rejection of High Spirits as 'an incident'!

Good luck with Channel 4. They currently commission seven sitcoms a year. Peep Show and The Inbetweeners are two, that leaves five slots available, but they're also looking to commission 250 hours of comedy entertainment from 2011 onwards as they've decommissioned Big Brother.

Cheers, Declan

To which I finally desisted with.....

Hi Declan,

I will be sure to check out the other showcases you mentioned, at present I'm broke so hiring anything is out of the question. Not that I won't find another job soon and make enquiries. Edinburgh is a possibilty and I will be looking into that too.

It would seem that Channel 4 does have a gap in the schedule coming their way but I won't be submitting 'High Spirits' just yet because they won't accept anything thats unsolicited.

I think you may well agree that these emails have been fun, well I've enjoyed writing them anyway, in that I have expressed myself more passionately over the last few days than ever before. You may well have been subjected to a few 'Withnailesque' jibes but in the name of success I thought it was worth a stab.

Stay in touch
Ross

Wasn't that fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bastard competitions, waiting for stuff and finishing that new pilot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-17T09:34:00.000-08:00

You may remember that a few weeks ago I posted an ad on gumtree.com asking for people to join me in the quest to get a pilot filmed for High Spirits. If I neglected to inform you of this fact I just did so you need not worry about being in the dark. To cut a short story down even shorter I had three responses, two from writers interested in developing a project here and there and one from a guy who sent me a link to a scriptwriting competition. Fingers devillishly poised in a triangle of evil my mind ran a mile-a-minute pondering the potential High Spirits had to rock the shit out of that......heck I might even win!!!!!!!
So after reading the rules I sent them a 15 min segment from episode 5 and waited....and waited....and waited. Until finally I decided to check the site again for a few details....guess what...I wasn't even shortlisted, BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After a little soul searching I have reached the conclusion that the competition was a sham, the people involved idiots, the standards warped and my genius ignored. Hey, if I can't tell myself these things who else is????

Waiting for an interview is frankly a massive pain in the ass. There's the waiting, the feelings of post-application form stress and of course wondering when to call and ask for a few details. I hope that this week I hear back from those who potentially have a job to offer me....keep those pinkies crossed!!!!!!!

After some time of slaving away at an idea I had for a new sitcom I have now completed the first episode and will be copywriting it soon for publication.....I shall keep you posted!!

Love to the worthy
Ross
xx

Having a dead car in the snow and waiting for that all important interview!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-08T11:19:00.000-08:00

For some this year represents a change of fortune, an optimistic phase to repair the damage that 2009 left on their lives....I'm one of them. Getting dumped twice, having to do battle with the enormous ego of another (and larger) ex, losing my job twice, having to scrap my car and dealing with all manner of people who express an interest in creative projects but deliver nothing left me somewhat exhausted. With that I embraced 2009 with a cute little 'fuck off' kiss and prepared myself for the here and now.....2010. Not only is it the start of a brand new decade, but it sounds futuristic, flying cars may well be only a mere 5 years away!!! Oh and Hoverboards, lets not forget those bad boys!!!! New year is always a fantastic time to make plans, to promise yourself that lifestyle choices can (and will) be attained...like getting the fabled six pack to grace my torso...this year, I promise!!!!
So with all of this in mind I made plans at the end of 2009 and slowly but surely moved what little leverage I had to ensure that things would work out a little more in my favour. I posted adverts, sent important emails, submitted things, applied for positions and made sure that I accepted social engagements. And what would you know.......I felt great, the isolation that I had felt in 2009 fell into the shadows and my horizons looked a little more bright.
What has managed to put a downer on all this is the stupid car, it's stupid battery giving out at almost every opportunity. Such a small matter but a crucial one, I fear, and it shall remain unresolved until Sunday when I have the opportunity to get the bugger fixed, fingers crossed anyway!!!!

Application forms seem to take an age to arrive when we sit and wait for their arrival don't they. The one that is eluding me at present carries with it the potential for a job which would secure me all manner of lifestyle changes, nothing spectacular but a positive step forward....I'm just not very patient at the moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stay sexy people xx

Just another average Christmas, lets make 2010 awesome!!!!!

2010-01-02T06:12:00.000-08:00

Having neglected my blog writing duties for around two weeks there has been, needless-to-say, an influx of things happen to me. For some this period has been a magical time, for others the usual round of arguments with family members that you don't see that much during the rest of the year. For me......just sort of average!!!!

Now then, after the 'Modest Mouse' concert I mentioned in the previous blog Andy and Steff left Southend (lucky them) to spend Christmas in Scotland. This having the immediate effect of limiting my location to Rayleigh, for it is unadvisable to find yourself sat outside a vacant house hoping for a cup of tea and a stimulating conversation. With time abundantly available to me I decided to check out some local charity shops and perhaps find a few choice vinyl records...and something else.....oh yes sort out those remaining christmas presents I'd yet to acquire.
Fortunately I was able to purchase the majority of these gifts in HMV which not only meant I could escape unnecessary interaction with the public but also boost my points rating on Pure HMV......bonus!!!!!
Time passed, I wrote a little, watched cheesy movies, repeats of Only Fools and Horses and gave into to impulsiveness by posting adverts on creative websites. And please refrain from leaping to the conclusion that I mean adult or exotic sites, I literally refer to those where creative people can ask for assistance on a project they have in mind. What proved to be exciting was the replies....a few interesting leads and possibilities I imagine.
Christmas eve was notable only for the facxt that my grandad refused to join us on the grounds of poor health. Sadly he has been deteriorating slowly over the last six months and it was a silent understanding that 2009 may well be his last celebration with us mere mortals. We did however press gang him over for Christmas day and for the entire day he was able to do little else but sit and snooze in between a few small portions of food. My aunt and uncle being with us too the day passed pleasantly enough, wine was drank, cheese consumed and presents unwrapped.....record player.....oh yeah!!!!!!
Boxing day and my grandad is in such poor health that we have to call an ambulance, this after last years crisis where my nan spent the entire time in hospital after taking a tumble in the bathroom. 'Those Magnificent Men in their Flying Machines' sadly ignored by grandad (it's a favourite of his) as he was carried by the paramedics. Not to worry, I had work later that day and had a lousy time serving arseholes who it appeared knew not of the spirit of giving....well at least not in the tip department!!!!!!
Dropping into the hospital to see my grandad the next day though was a revelation, he had carbon monoxide poisoning which meant that after a few hours on a breathing machine he was back to his old self. A few days more and he's back to his old self and I mean his self from 10 years ago.....remarkable and such a joy to see. A couple more days and he'll be home!!!!

I think special mention should go out to David and the afternoon/evening we spent in The Trading Rooms. You have charming girlfriend and the fact we came fourth in the quiz has to be commended when taking into account the diminutive number of our team.

The sales this year have left me a little cold I have to admit, a few bargains but nothing specatacular. What I am looking to achieve however is a new look which will take a great deal of research and probably money so here's hoping that one of these damned local schools throws a job my way. The look.....well you'll just have to see on that one but I will say this.....I loved the new Sherlock Holmes film!!!

Shenanigans after work, Christmas shopping, bloody horoscopes and Modest Mouse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-12-17T07:59:00.000-08:00

Before you leap to any saucy conclusions as to my nocturnal activities after work I shall make it clear that although I was fucked about it was in a strictly clothes-on sense and not much fun.
I have an arrangement with two co-workers that I take them home at 4am (well more like 4.15am) and, in return, I get £5 petrol money. Now this is great, I get to put some fuel in my car and they save a whopping £15 in cab fares so everyones a winner. Sadly they happen to live at opposite ends of Essex so the journey is not particularly a hasty one, Sam lives in Gt Wakering and Ash on Canvey island!!!!!! Therefore the best way around this is to take Sam home first, return to Southend and then get to Canvey. From there I can then get straight back to Rayleigh and collapse into my bed. Sadly however on Saturday evening, sorry morning, as I was taking Ash to Canvey Sam rings me to ask if her wages are in my car....needless to say they were. No problem I'm going to town on Sunday anyway I can drop them round then....wait for it.....bombshell approaching. Sam needs the money to go shopping at 9am at Lakeside. Now there appears to be no-one to lend her the money or a way around her waiting until say 11am for me to get round there so guess what.......yes that's right muggins here has to then go all the way back to Great Wakering FROM Canvey PAST HOME!!!!!! And so at about 6.30am I finally fall into bed only to have the joy of christmas shopping to look forward to in a matter of hours!!!

Which brings me neatly to the sheer horror of having to shuffle through shops populated by people with less intellect than the clothes on their back. Hundreds of open mouthed drones eagerly buying the latest talent show winning shite......god bless the internet!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not that what I am about to say will be much of a revelation but I'm sick of horoscopes!!!!! I've had a recent run of them telling me that a huge and wonderful change is coming my way, that after an eternity of struggling my efforts will finally pay off.....and guess what so far SOD ALL has changed. In fact this morning I recieved 4, yes 4, rejection letters. And the less said about my non-existant love life the better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night I went to see Modest Mouse in Camden at The Electric Ballroom. The band were awesome but the crowd seemingly full of douche bags and arseholes. Middle aged tossers who probably work in Barclays bank and quite like 'Float On', spotty teenagers who decide that a concert is the perfect place to kiss their girlfriends in the most shocking manner (and by that I mean that they were really bad at it) and drunk twats who think that having a crafty smoke is the height of rebellion!!!!!
Still the music was why I was there andf that didn't disappoint!!!!!

Eddie Izzard, being broke and other such joys.

2009-12-05T05:22:00.000-08:00

I can't promise that this post will have any sense of cohesion but then when has that ever been a problem??

Last night I saw Eddie Izzard at Wembley Arena on the 'Stripped' tour. Need I relay to you how great he was....it's Eddie Izzard for goodness sake. I've been a fan since I was 14 and I remain one today...shame Green Day don't hold the same amount of excitement these days.

Finally it happened, the money I had from working at Toulouse has gone. Not that I regret anything I have done or bought in the last 2 months but without a fresh supply of income that particular lifestyle has had to be placed on hold AGAIN!!!! Oh well when the scripts start selling I'll be laughing....well at least allow me to dream!!

You make think that writing a script is easy, it isn't. The process takes time and motivation that comes only from yourself and at the end there's no money waiting as a reward. No-one wants to read anything that they are unfamiliar with and it will almost certainly transpire at some point that you need to re-write huge chunks of what you thought was good material. All of this however is something of a walk in the park in comparison to getting something filmed.
I have been trying for about 2 months now to get a pilot filmed for High Spirits and have thus far been let down by a succession of people who have at some point promised to get the project off the ground. I know that this industry is tough but enough already.....I've been writing since I was 13 and pursuing a career for almost a sodding decade now!!! You won't break me though!!!

Love
Ross

Looking for a stready job, getting tickets for KITTIE........Finally.....And embracing my first Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-26T18:02:00.000-08:00

I apologise for the lack of an update recently but I have had a variety of things to contend with over the past week.....details of which are to follow. So get that cup of tea, make yourself comfortable and brace yourself for another adventure.

Those of you who know me personally or even just those of you who follow this blog will already be aware of the position I frequently find myself in in regards to work. All too often I find myself dropping back into retail/bar work in a (normally) futile effort to ensure money is coming my way and time is available for me to write my scripts. What this means in real terms is that I am able to buy stuff I want from ebay and not worry about going overdrawn, filling my vacant windows with bursts of creativity in regards to a script. Not a bad set up (I think you will agree) but not exactly the most steady of positions for I am more often than not unemployed or forced to seek another vacancy in light of my hours being cut, especially in a damn recession.
Therefore it is with some enthusiasm that I look forward to the prospect of entering the world of teaching.....well assisting a teacher at least. Afterall I may as well use my degree for something....god knows it isn't much use in anything else. And there you have it, Ross Levere is attempting to become a teaching assistant!! My sister has adapted the CV (she has expertise in such matters) and printed off a butt load of copies for me to send at will to the schools I deem sufficient for my needs...either that or anyone who will take me.

Kittie are one of my favourite bands, fact. After 10 years of listening to them and defending their brand of metal to untrained ears I am in possession of a ticket to see them in Camden on the 23rd Jan. I can't wait.....a decade is a long time ask Ronald Reagan......oh wait you can't.................

Now with my 27 years on this planet almost in the bag and my 28th rapidly approaching I have only just (literally) celebrated my first Thanksgiving. Not that it has been avoided or dismissed but what with not being an American it really wasn't particularly relevant to my upbringing. So why am I chowing down on Turkey and Pumpkin Pie all of sudden???? Steff. So for the last few days we have had a variety of trips to Tesco's so that everything necessary was at hand for tonights dinner.
I think perhaps the highlight being last night when my car refused to start and it was only left for us to bump start the bastard....but hey it worked!!
Certain questions have now been answered...I do love Pumpkin Pie, Thanksgiving dinner is awesome and you should never make cherry pie with the stones still in the cherries.....haha

Love to Andy and Steff
and anyone else who wishes some
Ross
x

The Mighty Boosh, another flat tyre, Trafalgar Square shenanigans and vinyl collecting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-19T11:23:00.000-08:00

Excellent....HMV is offering exclusive tickets to a DVD launch of the 'Future Sailors' tour and for only 15000 (pure hmv) points. With a grand total of 35000 points to my name what was there to stop me from going and having a great night......nothing, awesome so with few clicks I had my name firmly on the list. The problem was that without sufficient details from HMV I had to wait until the morning of the event to contact their service and secure minor things like where and when it was. Luckily I had to wait only a few minutes for said information and little else was left to do but collect Steff & Andy and head for Harold Wood.
Once in London we wandered about, hit the British museaum, checked out some vinyl stores (more on that later) and before long made our way to the Boosh. The understanding was that it was to be a Q&A with a meet and greet thing for the us, the fans, afterwards. Awesome!!!!! Finally I get to meet Noel and Julian...or so I thought. Unfortunately we were denied access to the VIP area.....oh well when 'High Spirits' hits TV I'll see them at the BAFTA's or something ;)

Having recently had to fork out for two new tyres I was a little vexed to find a flat one on my car after returning to it post The Boosh. Not to worry....Andy and myself changed it under 10 mins in very poor light and laughing the entire time....go us!!!

Wednesday found us in London again....this time for a teaching expo thingy (which we never made it to) only this time we happened to be in Trafalgar Square soon after Algeria had qualified for the World Cup. To say that they were passionate and overjoyed is a huge understatement......3000 people showed up in the space of 30 mins. You should have been there!!!!!

As for vinyl....well despite still not having anything to play them on I am gathering rather a decent collection....hoipe santa is on the ball this year!!!!!

Love

One of THOSE nights!!!

2009-11-15T07:31:00.000-08:00

As you may have concluded from the heading of this entry last night was a little unususal. Not that working in a nightclub is particularly dull you understand but for some unknown reason I was more popular than most?? Not sure I'm used to that!!!

Alarm bells should have rung out when I arrived and Ash seemed pleased to see me, now I conceed that we share a laugh whenever possible but this was not simply a 'hey'...rather an enthusiastic, arm-waving, big smiled greeting. Not bad when I consider her the best looking girl there, not that she has stiff competition to contend with you understand....hey cute is cute is in my book. Then to my joy I find that Stuart/Stewart (not sure how he spells it) hasn't left and was off last week due to illness and he wants me to cover his shift next friday. Awesome...I need the money and to top it all he says he'll invite me round to his for an evening to say thanks for doing so....ain't I mister popular already and I've yet to start my shift.
Thankfully I was on bar one and therefore was fortunate enough to have escaped the horror of working on the same fecking till as Hannah, the serial texter and general lazy ass...every week I seem to get stuck with her, but not this time!!!
Before long the customers began to filter in and my second one left his £5 change with me...cashback!!!! Some very interesting and rather sexy girls were in and I have to say that the one wearing the top hat was incredibly sexy although sadly I only had the chance to serve her once and by then some douchebag had decided to spend his evening trying to chat her up....and me with customers screaming for alcohol!!!
As the evening progressed I'm then asked if I'm gay by two girls, one of them asking a follow up question....'are you bisexual'?? The first one on behalf of her shy friend and the second one for a rather interesting proposition of a threesome....suddenly I'm Russell Brand. This I had to explore and so I ask her what sort of a threesome she has in mind, the fantasy kind or the 'in the right context...perhaps' kind of set-up. Sadly it was in the latter bracket but hey if you ain't getting any and someone proposes an avenue for you to get some what do you say?? She then offered me an invite to her flat after my shift and took my number...promising that should I turn up we could do what I wanted....how I didn't explode I'm still not entirely sure but it was to no avail. She never called me back and confirmed my invitation as she had promised so my evening held little more excitement than taking Ash back to Rayleigh to see a friend.

And apart from some woman telling me I look like the lead singer of A-HA (hence the picture) and giving me the wink....yes I was tempted even though she was old enough to be my mother.

I wonder what next week holds???

Getting things ticked off that list!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-14T12:10:00.000-08:00

Life in these most modern of times is often a rather stressful experience and none more so than the one I currently inhabit. That is not to suggest that I am in a desperate situation but things could benefit from change. So with a list as long as my arm I decided that today was to be one of those days where I actually rubbed a few off and made a little progress.
And so I saw off the parking fine I incurred whilst in Romford, contacted a man from my old university about a future project, downloaded a new writing programme, sold off some more DVD's, found out a little in regards to Monday night, sorted through my old receipts and cleaned up a few more VHS tapes.
What a fun day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The joys of Grays, Being in the right place at the right time for Andrew Bird tickets and planning the future with stability!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-12T08:57:00.000-08:00

You may well have reached the relatively safe conclusion after our recent visit to Romford that we would refrain from making any trips to the more hellish areas of Essex...well you'd be wrong. With practically every charity shop having been blessed by our presence (I use this term only because we spend a lot of change in such estabilishments) we (or rather I) noticed that Grays had been overlooked. In fact it turned out that despite living in Essex for my entire life I had never set in foot in Grays, been past it on a train, yes but actually set foot there, no. What else is one to do with a spare afternoon and a pocket full of loose change??? It was afterall virgin territory for every one of us and there's nothing quite like experiencing something new, unless of course it's something horrible like being mugged. So on a rainy afternoon we parked my KA in a dull multi-storey car park and made our way to the high street, passing impossibly orange people on the way. Why on earth someone should have deemed bleach blonde hair and unnatural skin tones attractive is beyond me but with a persistant stream of pushchairs being led about my single mothers it would seem that my opinion is in the minority. Damn me and my weakness for natural looking women!!!!! The high street, if one can call it such, was blessedly small and housed only 4 charity shops for us to scan in haste. The specimens who met our astonished faces unaware of the wholly depressing nature of the town as we ate three enormous bags of chips and decided after perhaps 40 mins that we should swear on an oath similar to the one we have for Romford!!!!

London, London, London..............How I love thee, my salvation, my regeneration, my shangri La!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Steff being a huge Andrew Bird fan she was somewhat annoyed to find that London dates had been added to a European tour. Inevitably with such things the tickets had long since been sold and any hope of securing any elsewhere was to say the least distant. Ebay (oh how I love thee) had a few sellers but any chance of paying a little over the £17.50 price were dashed. Not to worry, the fact is tickets were available and so with a little determination Andy and Steff won a pair, a little expensive but not extortionate. The plan then was simple, we would all spend the day in London until the gig when I would slip away and perhaps do a little window shopping down Oxford Street. Serendipidy however had other plans, for whilst we stood waiting for the gig to begin at Union Chapel a man approached us with three tickets that he had going spare....and the best bit is he wanted only the price he paid. And with that I was now going to see Andrew Bird. Although I knew not what to expect.
Fortunately the fact we had arrived early meant that we were able to gain front row seats, I say seats when I actually mean pews (those oh so comfortable benches that churches generously provide to numb your ass). Moriarty made their appearance and as support bands go they we amazing....truly awesome. I even bought a Vinyl record of theirs despite the fact that I don't actually down a record player.....yet!!!! Andrew Bird himself was awe inspiring, forgive me for not describing his work to you but I feel you should listen to him and expose yourself to something truly beautiful....go...now.....he's on i-tunes!!!!!!
The fact that we then waited for 2 hours by what was supposed to be a stage door only to be given the slip left only a slightly bitter scent of resentment. It was, afterall, late and with the threat of Liverpool street station having its last departure to Harold Wood time was of the essence. Fortunately we were able to jump on a bus having been met with a closed underground station and with some considerable luck managed to board the last train back to my car....phew!!! Those night buses aren't exactly inviting

Last night Steff, Andy and myself had a discussion as to what we need to achieve in the near future and unlike such discussions I have had before this time I feel like plans will actually be set in motion. I love those guys!!!!

Why I will never again set foot in Romford!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-07T05:04:00.000-08:00

Every now and then there comes along one of those days where you wish that you'd just stayed in bed, wrapped yourself in a blanket and watched crappy movies until it was time to locate some food. A day where the very idea of doing anything sends a shiver down the spine as a kind of cosmic warning that bad times are on their way.
Such a day decided to bless itself on myself Andy, and Steff yesterday when we decided that a trip to Romford would be something interesting to do. Now I wish to make it clear that we had arrived at such a conclusion for one reason only, charity shops. Being that we each collect a variety of things that other people deem junk charity shops are a natural source of wonderment for us. I collect old VHS tapes (there's more to it than that but I've simplified it for fear of having to explain myself), Steff collects old cameras and we each of us scour book shelves in the hope of filling in those 'first edition' collections we have depleted at home. And so the logic was that with a spare afternoon and having exhausted every charity shop in a 300 mile radius we would take a crack at Romford......big mistake. Wrapping up against the persistant drizzly rain that met our exit of suburban solitude we made our way to perhaps the most hellish experience of all. A place so depraved that school children run riot, people casually throw rubbish to the floor a mere 25cm from an actual functioning bin and where eating out means having to endure something called a 'chip salad' (I jest not when I say that we saw this particular nightmare advertised in a cafe window).
Eventually we found a place to park (a single yellow line no less, but more on that later) and had to walk for an eternity until we stumbled across a urine infested subway that allowed us safe passage to the other side of the road. Unfortunately it had become apparant that we had picked 'market day' to visit and with such a pull from those desparate to buy large bags of broken biscuits we had found a place to park nigh on impossible. Still with this now solved and the road cossed (a road straight from Death Race 2000 or Mad Max 2)we had finally reached Romford high street.
Now having actually dated a girl (and I use that term in it's most liberal sense) from Romford I am saddened to admit that I was not entirely in unfamiliar territory. The tacky jewelry shop that sold those attractive clown pendants and the Burtons with the ramraided window came flooding back as I guided us to the area we were looking for. However to our great sadness the 4 charity shops we found sold nothing but genuine crap or grossly overpriced items that would normally be more reasonable. I give you as an example the prices of vinyl records when I say that they were £3-£4 each. Now this in itself is not a high price to pay for an album but when practically every other charity shop in existance charges little more than £1.50 you can begin to see the problem. On the VHS front I found only 2 ex-rental tapes in total and as for cameras....forget it.
By now it was almost 5.30 and the high street was closing up, we were wet, depressed and shocked by the inbred specimens of humanity who gazed at us from under shop fronts as they smoked cheap roll ups and ate fat encrusted chicken bits from inexpensive franchise outlets. Our solution....to dry off in the mall (the name of which I forget) and see what delights were on offer in the classy end of Romford. Oh boy....we made it perhaps 10 mins (8 of which were spent in an HMV) before we turned to each other and decided that we needed to leave.............and fast!! So without any further motivation needed we walked as quickly as we could to find the safety of the car and return to something resembling civilisation. Once more we had to embrace the rain and the urine soaked subway before we finally saw my beautiful red KA only this time she had a ticket stuffed under windscreen wiper. Yes.....Romford council and deemed our parking space a violation and charged us a wallet raping £120!!!!! An offer of £60 accepted should we pay within 2 weeks. I almost cried and I'm certain that both Andy and Steff were fighting back the tears but what else could we do.........BUT LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!
And so after getting caught in the middle of a flow of traffic due to the wonderfully clear road markings we made a pact that we would never again go there. On our trips to London we shall hold a silence as we pass through the station and never again be so naive as to think that going anywhere similar is a good idea....no matter how bored we are!!!

London in November, still trying to find a job, the joys of being single and chasing up other people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-06T04:02:00.000-08:00

As you can plainly see from the picture above I was fortunate enough to secure myself a trip to London on Tuesday and despite the fact that it rained persistantly I had a constant smile on my face. Yes I felt the cold, yes my shoes were rubbing my feet and and yes I couldn't really afford to go but with living in Essex such an indulgance is necessity. The uplifting thing about London is the fact that it's practically impossible to be bored, museaums and art galleries alike are free and readily available. The three of us (I was joined by Andy and Steff) made our way to the Tate modern and saw a variety of exhibits, some challenging, some odd, some incomprehensible and some just mind blowing. The one that sticks out firmly in the memory being a giant container that you simply walk into. Not a very exciting description I know but the fact that you are almost completely blind and unable to see the end is something you really have to experience. Promise me you'll go should the opportunity present itself.
London being London we also saw the extravagant set-up for the premiere of A Christmas Carol. The thought did cross our minds to wait and at least try to meet Jim Carrey but when it became apparent that we were not in possession of an Earth Girls are Easy poster we decided that the crowds were just too annoying. As it turned out the only 'celebs' (and I use that term desparingly) in attendance were a bunch of no talent tossers who have to stoop to appearing in front of Simon Cowell for their five seconds of fame. Perhaps next time we'll make efforts to get a poster for Earth Girls are Easy but for the moment I can sleep soundly knowing that I was able to avoid meeting a future Big Brother contestant.....phew!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As ever the whole process of trying to find another job is a massive struggle....only this time I have a recession to contend with so my efforts are somewhat insufficent. Despite this I have been pushing forward with any and every contact open to me and as yet am still left clinging onto the one thing I can rely on...Storm Nightclub!!!!! I'm sure something is around the corner or at least that's what I tell myself on a daily basis to refrain from crying myself to sleep....not really I'm being melodramatic.
Which actually brings me neatly to my next point. Being single sucks...there I said it, I made a statement to the world and you'll just have to deal with it. Not only do I have to comfort myself (and yes that means in every respect) but I also have to hear what is quite possibly the most irritating sentence in the history of humanity....and that includes Robbie Williams song lyrics people. The phrase in question is something like this.....'what you need to do is stop looking'....you know it hurt to even write that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a number of issues with this as you may imagine. The problem with being single and having been so for a while is that ANYONE and EVERYONE is a potential candidate. Any activity that involves converging where other people are holds the possibility of meeting a future girlfriend. Not that I'm desperate but evenings spent sat in ones own company whilst perusing websites of a more adult nature and trying to recall what a girl actually feels like, I have to admit are growing rather tiresome. So it is with some considerable zest that I have grown to loathe the attitude that if you stop looking suddenly you become Cary Grant....this does not happen. What I cling to is the fact that the Kharmic god of love has given me such a hard time over the last 5 years that he's lined up the perfect girl and she's just around the corner.....fingers crossed.

Chasing other people (not girls, well not in that sense) is always a royal pain in the hole. What makes it worse is when you're thrown a titbit and are forced to try and find them for what will inevitably turn out to be another morsel. I speak of people who say that they know of a job and never give you any details, no matter how hard you perster them, the people who borrow something and never give it back (I guess my copy of Withnail & I is long gone!!!!!!!!), the people who you spend three hours chatting up only to then meet their boyfriend and the people who fire you who then dangle the possibility of a return should business pick up....SCREW YOU ALL!!!!

Strangely I feel almost exorcised.

Love to the worthy

Feeling antsy (I care not how that is spelt) and free bread!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-01T05:22:00.000-08:00

As you may have gathered from the tone of my recent blog posts I am feeling a little demoralised. Money is running short and life is ciphoning off control of my actions to people who do little with it. Now as much as I detest feeling like this and have a desire to turn the tide my current state of mind is far from motivated. I am however still complaining so I must have some spirit left which has to count for something right?? I'll get back to you on that one.

Free bread???.........I realise how this sounds but it's true, all true. For some unfathomable reason a giant Hovis van decided to hand out free loaves of bread in Southend high street which meant a lot of very happy poor people and an abundance of soggy bread cascaded about the pavement by chavs. Tis a mystery????

ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-29T05:28:00.000-07:00

Thats it, finished, the end, no more. I have reached the end of my patience and things must now change.
Perhaps the first flaw in this philosophy is relying on other people, the kind of individuals who fill you with optimism when they assure you that they can get you something and then leave you hanging. What grates more is the lack of any response be it positive or negative which forces you into an uneasy state of being as the days fall from the calendar. Why does this happen to me so much, what have I done to deserve it. Debating such a notion, I fear, is futile for fate has in store what fate has in store and there seems to be bugger all that one can do to curb his actions.
Someone recently described my position as being like that of a kind of pergatory, like I have to endure all manner of crap before things can get better. The thing is I seem to have been dealing with way too much crap and despite every attempt to pick myself up theres always something waiting to knock me straight on my ass. Can this really be the same for everyone?? Am I merely tapping into a human belief system that the grass is indeed always greener in the next doors garden or am I justified in my concerns?? Surely I'm not paranoid?? Can I really be living through some sort of cosmic life laundry where nothing is what it seems until one glorious day when I open my eyes and everything I could ever wish for becomes my day to day life. I think not, although people would have me believe so.

No more plentyoffish, now that's a hell of a turnaround huh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-28T05:25:00.001-07:00

Welcome and once again accept my apologies for I have continued to neglect my blog writing duties oncemore. Unfortunately life has got in the way again and I have have had precious little time to do inform you as to my actions.
As you may have gathered from the title though I am no longer assigned to ANY of the dating sites to which I signed myself up some months ago. The fact that I was able to secure only one date from any of these sites should speak volumes, until recently it was little more than incentive to persist in sending e-mails. Even my beloved 'Hot or Not' account has bitten the dust in the name of decency....will the horror cease to end???
So with such drastic action being taken will this mean a complete turnaround in my life, will fame, fortune and everything else inbetween now suddenly find me? It would certainly find a warm welcome especially as I no longer work at Toulouse and am in the process of searching for another job....the part I hate most.
Either way I am in yet another unstable situation......oh the living long day!!!!!

Love to the worthy

Flu, absent friends returned and looking for another job!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-23T03:32:00.000-07:00

Sadly I have flu, not that mythical illness commonly known as 'Man-flu' but the real deal. This as you may imagine has not been much fun, what with coughing up lumps of phlegm large enough to home several families and dealing with crippling pains in my ligaments. Still I have a cure on its way so I'm hoping that by tomorrow I'll be much better and much less likely to feel antsy and/or useless.

What with being told on Wednesday that I have pretty much been squeezed out of my job at Toulouse I need to recover to look for a new one. Yes...after five months of loyal service I am now surplus to requirement, apparently the fact that I can only work during the week being something of an undesireable option for the powers that be. Fortunately I still have Storm to rely on but one shift a week is hardly going to keep me to the style I have now become accustomed.

On Sunday 11th two important events happened. Firstly I went to Camden and saw Mudhoney and my friend Andy returned from the US with his fiance Steff.
Mudhoney were awesome, I went on my own again and felt intolerably lonely for a while. Happily the music and mosh pit banished such feelings and I found myself pretty much front row centre....go me!!!!
Andy I didn't see until the Monday and I have to admit that I was somewhat nervous that we may have drifted apart. An awful lot has happened to both of us since he left two and a half years ago and with such things it is sometimes apparent that those friendships suffer. I need not have had any concern. It was like he'd never been gone and Steff is more awesome than words can describe....now all we need is to land fairly decent jobs (or at least reliable ones) so that we have the necessary finances to move into a flat together.

Peace out x

How about this for a change!!!???

2009-10-08T17:23:00.000-07:00

Having had a few days to think about my situation it has come to my attention that I am in a rut and have been so for longer than I dare imagine. For many of you this is hardly a revelation of earthshattering proportions but for myself it has opened my eyes. Ok, so I've sort of been aware that things haven't been great and I conceed that I have probably been a tad on the negative side over the last few days.
The fact is that despite my best efforts I have, as yet, remained undiscovered as the saviour of TV that I one day be hailed as.
I work jobs that stimulate me about as much as brushing my teeth so I have decided to try and secure a loan and go to New York for a month. Whilst there I will attend a film-making course and have the opportunity to write, direct, light, edit and make the tea on 3 short films. What this means is that I will be taking a much needed break from Essex and more importantly be aiming to stretch my potential further than ever before. With 3 films to my name I will be able to enter my work into festivals and show people out there just what I'm capable of. Not to mention the awesome feeling of being able to call New York home for a month.....Manhatten here I come!!!
So there you have it, bombshell dropped, one massive plan in the..well..planning. Wish me luck.

If only you could see me smile!!!!!!!

2009-09-08T10:17:00.000-07:00

Forgive me dear reader for I may appear more euphoric than usual, not that this can be ascribed to an over indulgence in sugar.....not this time. In actual fact the reason is simple, I have met someone new.....a woman, and to make a dramatic change she's interested in me.
We met through 'Hot or Not' (.com or something) so to those of you convinced of the futile nature of this website I raise two fingers (but only playfully). The shallow nature of being told you're sexy my complete strangers is apparently a passion we both share. After an e-mail or two we moved the conversation to 'Facebook' and within two weeks it seemed like a good idea to meet in person...in London. Public places being the best option when meeting someone from the internet because lets face it they could be a weirdo right??? She came into Victoria station last Friday and we had an amazing day getting to know each other face to face...oh I forgot she's gorgeous!!!
With a fond farewell we agreed to meet again and with a certain flair for the spontaneous I found myself invited to her place on Sunday....in Dover. Not being daunted by this I borrowed a sat-nav and made my way there with but half a tank of petrol. Two hours later I was there and a better evening I could not imagine.....I shall spare details for I wish to keep those confined to us for the time being.
Thursday I shall be returning to Dover and the time cannot pass quickly enough...still only Wednesday to go and I may well explore Chelmsford to check for old VHS tapes, ain't I the coolest!!!!

The only other thing to have happened recently is that my hours at work will soon be re-instated back to my previous level so thumbs up there!!!!!!

Love to the worthy
x

Two weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-09-01T15:24:00.001-07:00

Ever feel like just telling someone, anyone how life is treating you??? How about doing so with sincerest honesty with your heart on your sleeve and nothing but your vulnerability to shield you??? No, yes....maybe??? Well I'm about to do so, make a coffee if necessary because I may be sometime.

As I sit at my lap top on what is rapidly approaching midnight on the 1st September I find myself comtemplating all manner of problems and possibilities...some of them not even my own. At 27 I still live at home and am stuck in what has become a suburban nightmare, freedoms sacrificed in favour of comfort for the luxury of living cheaply whilst I find my way in the world of scriptwriting. I have two jobs and both of them suck, not in ways that I find abhorrant but it has to be said that bar work hardly stretches the intellect on a day by day basis. With this I have been able to secure myself a car and new computer (both of them on borrowed money) in the hope that these additions will enhance my social and professional aspirations. Currently though little has changed except for the fact that should I wish to buy inexpensive DVD's at 3 in the morning I have the option of driving to Tesco and sating the need burning within me......Gavin & Stacey anyone????
Today my parents returned home from a two week holiday to Panama and for some reason my mind has been an erratic mess of confusion, frustration and isolation all day. To begin with work dragged and I don't mean that in a normal sense, I mean it really didn't want to end within the normal realm of reality. Minutes passed me by like hours and with tensions at an all time high every smile was viewed with suspicion. The sound of laughter practically banned from an establishment designed to be welcoming, inviting and friendly....well only to those willing to pay for the fake sentiments of strangers dressed like penguins for the benefit of middle class, middle aged patrons.
Having been due to start at 12 noon I was 3 hours early when I appeared at work to begin my shift, surely the first sign that something was rotten in the state of Denmark. Worry not I shall not bore you with details of my 8 hour shift, frankly because it isn't worth the effort. Time spent stealing a laugh with Sophie and flirting with the goth girl in the kitchen makes for little interest outside of my head so I shall skip to the end. The bombshell that was to hit me I wasn't expecting!!!!!!!
Taken to one side I was informed that breakfasts were no longer being held during the week and so without a need for me at 9 my hours were to be cut, with shifts starting at 11 from now on. Brilliant, I finally get myself into a position where I have money coming in and enough work to stave off boredom and bang it's gone. My career change from Burtons to Storm (a chav nightclub) has left me 1 hour down on a saturday and now I'm being told I can look forward to a maximum of 12 hours from a job that was providing me with 20-25 a week.
To top this off I have to be in tomorrow and the lack of hours means I can't simply call in sick for a DATE that I was looking forward to. Yes you read that right.....A DATE.....Ross Levere, me, had a date with a genuine woman on Wednesday...I repeat HAD!!!!!!!!! Thankfully I must stop myself here, the well of self pity must dry up because it has just been rescheduled for Friday......god bless you Facebook!!!!!!

So By now you must be wondering why I have entitled this blog entry 'Two Weeks' when I have effectively only covered the crappiness of today.....the answer is simple. With my parents away I have in fact lost the fight to achieve my goals in life, for 2 weeks I have eaten too much, not exercised, written barely a sentence, read even less and been out in very limited bursts. This always happens, the reason is simple....I have a sister who I spend time with. Someone to reconnect with after 50 weeks of not really noticing each other.

So there you have it, a fraction my diseased minds thoughts laid out for the world to read at liberty. Now that life is to return to normality I look to the future and await what is instore for me....Andy is returning, I may well need another job, I have THAT date, my free time will increase leading to writing and socialising.....................

it's gonna be interesting

Me still sucking, the joys of being busy and The Offspring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-08-27T04:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes I know. I suck big time, promising faithfully to keep you informed of the rollercoaster that has become my life but like a bad weekend dad I promise much and deliver very little.....my apologies, just don't expect a trip to Disneyland as an apology.

Since my last update there have been some very interesting developments in the world of Ross but to be honest when isn't there??
The first thing, I guess, would be the fact that I am now back on the road. Yes I have a car again, fully insured and taxed so my freedom has been restored. I now have the ability to escape Rayleigh when I wish rather than when the sodding bus companies dictate I should be allowed this privilege. And taking a practical stance on this development I have already driven to Harold Wood again to take advantage of the wonderfully cheap all day travel card prices that they offer. More on that trip later.....

I am almost ecstatic to announce that I am no longer at Burtons, I handed in my notice and worked off the last 2 weeks necessary for me to collect what meagre holiday pay I have amassed. Now Burtons was not a complete nightmare, were it not for the presense of Les Cannon I should have struggled to last 2 weeks let alone 14 months. Those early mornings, long shifts and dull colleagues (with precious few exceptions) were worth the effort to be able to discuss all manner of film, TV and music with Les who may well have been my soulmate should I have been born a woman.
All this means that I am now at liberty to start working at Storm this coming Saturday night so I will be posting an update as to how that experience struck me.........the world holds its breath!!!!!!!

On Saturday night (22nd Aug) I found myself invited to a house warming of Tony, someone I have known for a worryingly long time (13-14 years......eek). Anyhow he has recently secured himself a place in Shoebury so I decided to take advantage of his offer and do something more interesting than sit staring vacantly at the TV. To my relief I found that Ben and Jim were there too and for the rest of the evening we reverted back to the mental age of 14 to insult each other and make anything and everything sound dirty. Why this happens perplexes me as I extract little enjoyment from the process and I always feel that the gulf between us has become almost insurmountable. Were it not for those pockets of time that opportunity throws your way to be able to converse with the group members individually I should have given up on the whole thing many years ago. Still new year isn't that far away so it should be another celebration down Ye Olde Smack.......joy.

25th August.......Brixton Academy........7PM..........The Offspring!!!!! Now this came about because a friend of mine couldn't make The Birthday Massacre gig in Camden. Feeling the regret she mentioned that The Offspring were coming to London and that tickets were available for around £25 so I willingly put my name down were she able to find some....thankfully she did. Tina lives in Coventry so we arranged to meet up early and spend the day in London as she hasn't had the opportunity to explore it as much as I have. So after a day of exploring Forbidden planet and the like we made it to Brixton and got a beer in to watch the support band.....or bands (why is that there always seems to be two support bands now???). The first group was called Broadway Calls, a punk band that reminded me of Green Day when they were good, the second were called Rival Schools and they were awesome. Guess I'll be surfing i-tunes come payday for albums by those guys :)
The Offspring were amazing, I was dragged off into the mosh pit and almost crushed for the entire concert but if you can't enjoy yourself what is the point in going?? Now all I have to do is find tickets to see The Pixies and The Yeah Yeah Yeahs and I'll be a very happy boy indeed!!!

And as something of a sidenote (what with my love being having been a joke for the last few years) I have a date tentatively set for Wednesday with a girl called Kate. I shall report back on this I assure you but so far she by far and away the coolest person to ever be interested in me so I'm a little excited.

Take care dear reader
x

The updates I promised days ago.......I suck

2009-08-18T05:58:00.000-07:00

It having been over a week since my last blog entry I have to sya that there has been a lot of shit go down (as usual).

There was my great uncles funeral at Southend Crematorium. The last and youngest of the seven brothers (my grandad was the third) who died in his sleep at the end of July. Sadly I never really got to know Jim very well over the years, mostly due to the fact that he never really used to attend family reunions, weddings etc. Despite this I had seen a little more of him over the last year or two and was saddened to learn of his passing.
Nothing however could quite prepare me for the vicar who carried out the service. With typical Church of England liberalism (of which I approve) he told those of us not religious to use the time for personal refelctions about Jim and to ignore the praying. Unfortunately he then managed to deliver the most depressing service ever...........seriously it was full of 'we're all going to die' sentiments and peppered with an unhealthy obsession with the perils of old age. Now I'm not saying that I was going for a laugh but seriously man that was not necessary.
In memory of Jim Walsh.......a true legend.

As I write this entry I have in my possession the insurance documents necessary to insure my car........once I can get to a post office I'm back on the road baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plans are afoot to film High Spirits in the coming months so I will inevitably keep you all posted I can assure you of that.

oh and I'M STILL SINGLE :(

What a difference a few weeks can make to a life lived in anticipation

2009-08-09T08:27:00.000-07:00

Once again I must apologise for the lack of entries on this blog, a glaring failure on my behalf and one I shall seek to rectify from this point.

For starters I wish to say a happy birthday to my dad who turns 53 today. Perhaps next year I can buy you that desert island :)
Having presented my dad with a gift and card we (mum included) all made our way to Basildon to view a car. The reason for this being that I have decided to spend my tax rebate on securing another car. Basically public transport and walking long distances have made journies to work an arduous task and frankly £750 couldn't have been better spent. Therefore I am now the owner of a V-reg KA so watch out road users, I'm back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On friday I had an interview for Storm (a nightclub in town for those of you not in the know) which means I can escape the dreary monotony that has become of Burtons. Thankfully I can bid farewell to early starts on a saturday morning and welcome 9.30pm starts with 4.30am finishes.......bring it on!!!!!!

On 25th August I'm off to see The Offspring at Brixton Academy with a friend who I met through a dating site.......I can't wait Tina, it'll be a great night.

Having finally been driven up the wall with my computer I decided enough was enough and procured myself a new one through one of those buy now pay in 6 month thingies......so the tax office had better pay up or I'm screwed!!!!!!!!!

And on a closing note I am pleased to say that I have finally seen Friday 13th Part 3 in 3-D. Having stewarded for the guy who played Jason (Richard Brooker) for an entire weekend I have only ever seen the film in 2-D..........well no more. Thank you Paramount blu-ray!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have to apologise for the lack of news recently

2009-08-02T08:06:00.001-07:00

Since my last blog entry I have had precious little spare time with which to do anything but work and eat. Fortunately though I have persisted with projects so despair not dear readers.

You or may not have seen that High Spirits is now completely finished and published online at http://rosslevere.webs.com so please take a look and let me know what you think.....opinions are highly valued!!!

I have started a new project for radio which I am hoping to make some headway with using the limited contacts I have at my disposal...fingers crossed with that one.

The tax office is pissing me off at the moment what with over a year of payments and what seems like an unending barrage of letters with P45's and 46's. I am still paying emergency tax and annoyingly the money owed to me is needed for a new computer and car.....yes it's that much!!!!!

I will return for a better and more informed blog soon so stay tuned!!!!

Way too much to mention here!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-07-20T11:23:00.001-07:00

Scarily it has been almost 10 days since my last post and rather a lot has happened in what is only a brief window of time.

Right then enough with the explanations and on with the details.

On Thursday 16th July (my time before that was taken up with work) I went to Camden to see The Birthday Massacre. Having failed to arouse anyone with enough desire to get a ticket I somewhat nervously decided to go on my own. Afterall it is better to see them alone than not at all. Unusually for me however I chose not to go to London early and explore something interesting, instead I completed 2/3 of High Spirits episode six....finally.
On arriving in Camden I found the venue in question and decided to join the queue whereby I was joined by two girls....I know what you're thinking but they were very young looking. Claiming your 18 does not make you so OR LEGAL. Despite this however it meant I had someone to talk to and luckily there then appeared two other guys (one of them being a cool guy called Lee) so before long we had formed a small group of 5.
The support bands (yes for some reason there were 2) came on.....RAGGEDY ANGRY particularly impressing me (can't wait for payday and i-tunes).
I have to say that I don't think I have the words in my vocabulary to convey just how amazing the concert was....it was intimate, energetic, friendly, brilliant.....I could go on all day. There really isn't anything better than being part of a mosh pit with people you don't know covered in sweat and trying not to collapse afterwards (due to exhaustion).
We even stayed behind for afew minutes and had a picture taken with Chibi......words cannot describe the awesomeness.

Friday I had work but on the Sat I was off to the London Film & Comic Con where I met Chris Sarandon and Michael Ironside. Sadly Mark Ryan only had stills from those terrible Transformers movies and I refused to part with £15 for one of those....next time Mark please bring something from Robin of Sherwood.
Maddie got to meet Danny John Jules, Chloe Annett (who recognised Marty Feldman from my t-shirt) and the gorgeous Keeley Hawes.
Then I got back and had a little lunch before everyone arrived for my sisters birthday trip to Romford dogs......not my cup of tea. Still I got to hang out with people so it made a great change.

Sunday I was at work again only this time I was there on my own........joy. Got back home watched Day of the Dead, went to bed and on

Monday.....I finally finished episode 6 of High Spirits YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Working, scraping by and magic??????

2009-07-11T12:50:00.000-07:00

Alas I find myself writing this entry on what sound be a fun filled Saturday night. In the flower of my youth I find myself not spending the evening with interesting people or taking some time out with a beloved girlfriend.....no here I sit watching The Goonies forever smirking at the fact that I've met two of them in person.
Why does it appear to be the case that despite my best intentions and efforts I persistantly find myself in the same predicament on a Saturday. Namely a day filled with tedium at Burtons, a trip to see my Nan (who does little else but moan) and a blury eyed night watching some crappy movie on the TV (watching anything good is a problem what with the other members of the household).
FUCK IT!!!!! Enough with this, it's boring and I'll just have to try harder to instigate change......I'll get back to you on that.

Despite a paramount desire to complete episode 6 of High Spirits this last week has seen me do little else but work. A bonus since those unemployed days but a bane to my creative free time which allowed my scripts to be written freely. Oh well life is a rich tapestry and I'm sure mine will be awesome one day.......one day.

With repeated tax deductions, bus fares and financial needs I am finding myself very short of cash at the moment. Not that this will last forever but it always seems like paydays and tax rebates are an enternal week away.....more on that too.

Having had a run of bizarre relationships and encounters in the last two years a dear friend decided to use her witch status and cast a love spell for my benefit. Allegedly this will bring the love of my life...well....into my life so all I have to do now is wait.....guess that means they'll be more on that too.

Stay tuned

I think the best thing for me to do is take a deep or two and hope that my suspicions are unfounded!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-07-05T11:29:00.000-07:00

How do I even begin to start this entry when so much hinges on conjecture, possible co-incidence and what may well be my overactive imagination. It is entirely possible though that my suspicions are indeed true and that I am yet again the victim of another scheme by someone I haven't actually spoken to in a while now.

I think it's best that I try and explain in the hope of clarifying my feelings and current mood for you to understand my position in glorious technicolor.

In the October of 2007 my fiance left me (for another woman as it turned out) and after roughly 6 months I met somebody else.....I shan't name any names but we were reaquinted after 16 years on Facebook having been at school together back in the 80's. We started dating after she claimed that her boyfriend was in need of dumping but 4 weeks later it was I who recieved the elbow.
That, I believed, was that until some months later when she contacted me again and we started hanging out as mates. However events at this point were to take a dramatic and somewhat worrying turn for the worst because about this time I started getting messages from a mysterious goth girl whom I had alledgedly met whilst at a (said) school reunion. Sadly I was all too willing to believe these fake invitations and after the third no-show I was left with the stark realisation that no such person as Hot Goth Girl ever existed. Co-incidentally though who should be at the club that night but my ex who was in a particularly flirty mood that evening, to the extent that we shared an intimate moment in the toilets (romantic huh???). Anyway I was told that night that she had made a mistake in dumping me for her ex and that she had to tell him to get lost so that we could be together once more. Stupidly I believed this and on my birthday I was to be the sad recipient of a message telling me that she was with him and that although she didn't want to be she had to be.....that was that. I was confused, what kind of an excuse is that!!! What are you in a cult or something????
Over the next few weeks I learnt that her friends were becoming increasingly threatening towards me and in a bid to save myself I deleted them from facebook, erased numbers and severed all contact with what I had come to regard as a fucked up bunch of people.

There the story ended.....or so I thought. A few weeks ago a girl added me on facebook having searched for writers and Southend (or some such combination of words). The story was that she is a writer herself and has moved into the area. Not one to miss making a new friend I accepted and we soon agreed to meet up for a drink.....one that sadly was cut short due to work commitments (hers not mine). Sadly though She has no picture on her profile and all I had to go was a description....one that made me pay attention because she is a GOTH!!!!!

This morning she posted a message on my facebook wall saying that she would be in Priory Park at 3 to see a band play a free concert. Being somewhat impulsive I headed straight for the bus having grabbed a book and successfully found a place in the shade to await discovery. For almost an hour I sat there listening to some awful slow jazz and felt out of place what with being surounded by pensioners. In the break I took a walk around the area, keeping my eyes peeled and saw not a hint of black eyeliner or a single pierced lip. At that I took another walk around the park and went home......afterall we may just well have missed each other.

THEN THE TWIST......the horrible hint at something somewhat sinister. Having returned I decided to send her a message and say that I had indeed been there but that we had clearly missed each other. She then replied with this

a?? i was sitting under a tree surounded by old people too, i was talking to a pair of sisters that looked so alike that i thout they were twins, 13 years between em thou!! madness!! they thout they knew you, i couldnt remember you surname,( ive had a few!!) but i said i was meeting someone called ross and described you and that and they said they knew you.!! they knew you lived in rayleigh and worked in burtons!! how could we have missed you?? xx

It has to be made clear that my ex had a sister 13 years older than her and that had I seen them there alarm bells would have been ringing in my ears. Now it is entirely possible that I was at the wrong gig but that is a stretch of insurmountable proportions. Indeed it may be co-incidence but you have to admit that it sounds as though someone is playing games......ones that I never win.

What would you do????

Older American women, mysterious goth girls, my sodding ex-fiance and The Bed Sitting Room.......Finally!!!!!!

2009-07-01T17:23:00.000-07:00

Today I paid my usual soul destroying visit to plentyoffish.com in the now desperate act of hoping for an e-mail. Recently I have found that no matter how witty, original, diverse or alternative I make my profile or messages I'm ignored regardless. Girls on these sites claim they want humour and interesting conversation but turn a blind eye to it when I take a stab at introducing myself...go figure.
Bizarrely however I found that this morning I was the recipient of an e-mail from a 38 year old American woman who wants me to meet her in London whilst she is over here for a break. The worrying thing is that quite distant in my mind was the notion of avoiding this endeavour, the foremost thought I had was.....'Am I free that day'. Does this smack of desperation or curiousity....probably a combination of both I imagine but that doesn't make the proposal (or my subsequent first thought) any more sane.
To be honest I've been that bored recently that even a complete stranger throwing me a compliment is enough to make me feel wanted on a level I've only felt on three seperate occasions. More on this later.....at the moment she isn't even in the country.

As for mysterious goth girls, well basically since the birth of my adolesense I have been attracted to girls of the gothic persuasion. There I said it....for 14 years black eyeliner and dark hair have stirred something in me and I'm pretty sure it always will.
The specific goth girl in question contacted me out of the blue a few weeks ago and we've been sending the odd message since. Our agreed meeting at the local Folk Festival......I know, where better to pull a goth was cancelled due to work schedules but happily it would appear that a new meeting is on the cards.....again I shall keep you posted.

This morning I was contacted by my ex-fiance. She called my number and then hung up when I mentioned my name. Five minutes later and I recieve a text message from her saying that she hadn't realised she had my number and that she hoped I 'was ok'. Frankly the fact that she left me for another WOMAN had something of the opposite effect on my psyche and for a while I was torn up....and with no-one to talk to.
With the gift of hindsight however I can honestly say that her leaving me was the best thing that ever happened in our relationship and that presntly I am ok....more than ok. Maybe even ecstatic.....thanks Rickie.

The Bed Sitting Room is a Richard Lester movie made in 1967 and although I am only one of a handful of people I know who was excited that it was finally released from the vault last month I have to say it was awesome. The prevailing reason for having had it on my 'To See' list was the fact it stars Marty Feldman, possibly my most favourite comedian of all time. Having now seen it (and after a 10 year wait) I have now seen every MOVIE he ever made, if only the TV material was as easy to get hold of.

So it turns out the year I wanted 2009 to be is finally looking to go that way..........halfway through!!!!!!!!

2009-06-28T17:26:00.000-07:00

Please do not despair...this is not to be another rant or ponderous list of queries I may have for a higher power (or two) to answer. Instead I appear to be living the sort of life I've wanted to live for some time, the sort of existance that I've been promising myself I will have but never seem to grasp. Well this trend has been broken.....or at least it feels that way.

Allow me to explain.

To begin with there was Christie (the hot American girl at the Sean Lennon concert) who I had the pleasure of hanging out with and who I'm pretty sure was sort of into me a little bit (hey what harm can it do to imagine). As I have previously explained I felt confident and relaxed enough to strike a conversation with her at what was a very cool event.......YOKO ENCORE!!!!!!

Then I realise that I'm already part of the team at work and bizarrely I don't dread going in, which is something of an alien concept to me........having a job I quite like.

Last night a friend tells me that The Birthday Massacre are touring Europe and WITHOUT HESITATION I booked a ticket to see them in Camden. Who knows there may be another hot American girl there???

I get invited out for a drink that another friend has organised in August which means that there's going to be a load of people I don't see that much plus new people to say hi to.

One of my best ever friends is coming home soon after leaving me around 2 years ago. He now has a new fiance and plans are afoot for us all to live in a flat together.

Ok so this may seem like a list of fairly minor points but added together they make for a pretty sweet collection of events in my life....one that 5 years ago saw me in rather a dark place and I'm not talking about Brentwood.
I feel like anything is possible and indeed within my grasp......even my scripts have garnered respect from people. NOW THAT REALLY IS SOMETHING!!!!!!

Ghostly boyfriends, going to work on the wrong day, boredom and selling stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-06-23T04:50:00.001-07:00

You may well remember from my last post that my mood was somewhat optimistic and upbeat, the reason for this being a very hot American girl who I met at the Sean Lennon concert (Well 'The Ghost of A Sabre Toothed Tiger). That particular Wednesday being possibly the greatest day of my life so far I was misled (I fear) by karma, fate, god......whoever/whatever into believing that my fairtale had arrived. After what seems like an eternity of struggle, rejection, perspiration, depression, isolation and determination I naively felt that this wonderful girl was the icing on the cake as my task of making it as a scriptwriter nears its apex. The start of my idyllic life, the one I have in my head......the one I want!!!!!
Now on that particular evening we wrote down our names (on cardboard beer mats) and agreed to find each other on facebook. This whilst Sean Lennon himself interrupted our conversation to say 'hi' to Christie who it turns out used to date him......cool huh?? Apologies I'm digressing here, back to the events of that evening. As the event drew to a close and everyone left we walked to the train station and said our goodbyes, agreeing to meet up again sometime soon and hang out......possibly a date in my eyes but then I wasn't fully aware of the situation, that joy was to hit me on Saturday night.
Having had another highly stimulating days work at Burtons I paid a visit to my nan and was pleased to find my cousin, Luke, there. This however was not a sufficient diversion to sway my thoughts from Christie and as soon as I was able I was sat there on facebook desperate to see if she'd accepted me yet.......a quick glance........and success!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK ME THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then the downfall, which is supposed to come after pride I fear but somewhere/somehow excitement took it's place and filled that mantle, at least in this case.
The status which told me she was in a relationship glared at me like 'Medusas' severed head and I was suitably frozen for the longest of times. Who the fuck is this Oliver guy and what makes him so special?? Of course this was the first thought that entered my mind, perhaps he's a wonderful man, the type who actually volunteers for work at charitable foundations, he may write her exquisite poetry or have the money available in this pocket to buy her a meal somewhere other than Burger King!!!!!!!
As you may have picked up from my tone I was crushed....the most amazing girl ever and no hope of a date. Needless to say that evening was not the most enjoyable of my life, especially as I was quickly asked if I could lend out my copy of Godfather Part 2 so that someone who hadn't seen it could do so. Roll on a evening littered with persistant questions....Who's that? Where's Diane Keaton? Why is it in Italy? (ITALY!!!!) What's going on? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I must have been a complete bastard in a past life.

Sunday did however hold some potential, if only as a diversion....or so I thought. The other week I was contacted on facebook by someone who found me by typing Essex and Writers or something similar into the search engine.......apparently my name was thrown out but either way she requested friendship which I accepted. It turns out she has only 3 friends having joined that very day and is a single goth-girl....I know what you're thinking JACKPOT!!!! With more than a little intrigue I decided to try and organise a meet-up, she's new to Leigh-On-Sea but a fan of my writing, what it is that she's read I have no idea but attention is always good.
To cut a boring story short I thought the Leigh Folk festival was last weekend rather than this coming one so I spent a very dull day waiting for her to call me with a place and time.......kinda stupid huh?? At least it took my mind off that American girl........AS IF!!!!!!!

I was supposed to be at work today but went yesterday instead.....no-one said anything until 1.5 hours in and by then it was easier to change the rota. Hopefully it means I have more free time to finish episode 6 of High Spirits.

Ever had that feeling that you want/need to buy stuff that requires money you don't have? Well thats a very common realisation with me at present and it ultimately means I have to sell stuff I can live without. Having been living like this for far too long however I have next to nothing I wish to sell and am forced to flog off old DVD's for a fraction of what I paid. Still that Ghostbusters Blu-Ray was awesome!!!!!!

Having had almost a week to review and mull over the Christie situation (yes her again) I have come to the conclusion that a higher power was giving me a taste of what the future holds. Not that it necessarily involves her.....but perhaps an American girl is what I need in my life. Afterall I'm often ignored by British ones who tend not to get me and then go out with complete tossers...I'm allowed to be bitter it comes with years of experience!!!!
What if that gig was a future echo of my life that some god like deity decided to throw my way in order to keep me focused on achieving my goals. Afterall High Spirits is very nearly finished and I have got a fair bit of support on both sides of the Atlantic so it can't be all bad.
This being the case then I wish to say that wherever you are hot and funny American girl I am on my way.....have a little more patience and I'll be seeing you at a Sean Lennon concert somewhere soon I hope.

Ever have one of those days where you realise EVERYTHING has changed????????

2009-06-18T11:07:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I recieved a message on myspace alerting me to the fact that Sean Lennon himself was to be performing with his new band 'The Ghost of The Sabre Toothed Tiger' in a cafe in London. Having checked out the link I was soon able to secure myself a ticket and although I was to be going on my own I was excited, ecstatic and.......well you get the picture.
Yesterday was the day.....the 17th June 2009 and as ever with me if I have an appointment in London it's always a great excuse to go early and explore. On this occasion I headed straight for the shop used in 'Black Books' before making a detour to Holland Park to locate Michael Powells old house. Having passed a film crew shooting something down a street I found the house in question and decided to head into central London for a familiar trawl around my more regular haunts (Cinema Store, Forbidden Planet etc).
Now as far as I was aware the gig was due to start at 7.30 so I made sure I was there by 7 to check out the scene. So there I was at 7.05 standing outside a cafe with Sean Lennon not 20 foot away (I could see him through the window) when I was told that nothing would be starting until 8. Always one for a contingency plan I found a free McDonalds coffee voucher I had safely stashed in my wallet and decided to cash it in and have sit down for half an hour. Happily a McDonalds was in very close proximity but sadly the coffee was vile.....like someone had watered down a bag of compost.
Having made that last an almost unbearable 25 minutes, whilst some fat woman sat staring at me WITH NOTHING ON HER TABLE!!!!!! I went back to the cafe and started talking to a very, very attractive American girl called Christie. Now this is important not only for the fact that she was very hot but also for the fact that I felt confident enough to talk to her and MAINTAIN that conversation for the rest of the evening. By a wonderful co-incidence we were both there alone and we decided to sit and talk together for the rest of the evening......whats more is that SHE proposed this.....I felt like I was 13 again and Emma Taric had finally said yes to a date!!!!!
So with a perfect evening in full flow imagine our surprise when Yoko Ono herself turned up and even sang an encore........I felt like I was going to wake up at any moment but I didn't.......IT HAPPENED!!!!!!
And for the first time ever I was in a friendly, sophisticated, cool environment and I felt comfortable.....like I belonged, like I hadn't won a competition to be there. This was me, I never for a second got nervous, anxious or felt out-of-place. Last night saw the birth of a new Ross Levere, one the world doesn't know, a happy, more confident Ross Levere.

WELCOME TO THE NEW IMAGE!!!!!!

Change in the air, another job, The Big Bang Theory and the possibilty of having money again!!!!!!

2009-06-16T05:31:00.000-07:00

Those of you who read this blog will no doubt be aware of the rollercoaster ride that is my life. One moment things are heading in a direction I find favourable, the next I'm broke, bored and in need of salvation from any source. Regrettably bad luck always seems to find a way of locating me far quicker and more regularly than the good stuff but I pick myself up, dust myself down and start all over again.
Lately though I have been forced to re-evaluate my position on this having found a new job, been the recipient of female attention (always a good one) and even some professional respect in relation to High Spirits. To be honest I'm not used to anything but struggling against a tidal wave so I'm taking everything with a pinch of salt but hope that everything I've worked towards may finally become a reality sooner rather than later.

My new job is bar work but this time it is in a restaurant rather than a pub so for once I have a higher class of customer to deal with. In fact I have to contend with a funky coffee machine rather than the kettle and spoonful of instant at a previous job.

Having tried to watch an episode of The Big Bang Theory and hating it I found myself at a loose end a couple of weeks ago and decided to try it again. David had been telling me how good it was and I felt a second chance was in order..........happily I now love it.

Importantly though I now have money coming in......well come pay day so the poverty can end at last..........JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back To The Future Guests, Captain Mal, Just what the fuck is wrong with people on plentyoffish, possible job salvation, writing, and Blockbusters!!!

2009-06-09T05:44:00.000-07:00

As you may have guessed from the long list of topics gathered in my heading this blog is going to be a pretty lengthy one so I'd go make a coffee now and for heavens sake make yourself comfortable, ready???

Now I'm sure you are all aware that I am I broke, so very very broke. Not that I'm destitute but the money Burtons brings in is barely enough to be able to afford the luxury of sleep, something I have been doing less of lately what with trying to find a job and promote my series to a world dominated with mediocrity. I don't want that to sound arrogant but I'm mad dammit, how is it that utter drivel like 'Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps' gets commissioned series after series and I'm not discovered!!!!
The effect of having no money is that apart from not being able to buy essentials like clothes you are forced to sit in the pub and play the poor card which quickly gets boring when your mates buying the third pint to your one. This is a shame I have long since lost any attachment to, it seems but a distant memory to me now when I didn't feel the need to explain my actions and find it necessary to confirm my determination to continue writing.

However I was able to scrape, beg and sell enough stuff to raise some money for me to attend the Collectormania 15 convention in Milton Keynes and I'm very happy to say that it was awesome. Everyone was a joy to meet and I took with me some very interesting (if brief) conversations with people I have watched in movies my entire life. For example Marc McClure revealed to me that Jeannot Szwarc honestly believed that Jaws 2 was the greatest sequel ever, when everybody knows that honour goes to Grease 2!!!!!
From Back To The Future Maddie and I met Marc McClure, James Tolkan, Claudia Wells and Jeffrey Weissman. I also met a Goonie (Kerri Green), Geoffrey Hughes and the wonderful Nathan Fillion.......a man so good looking I had to question my sexuality, honestly.
There are pictures on facebook so for those of you on there please go take a look in my ME WITH FAMOUS PEOPLE 3 folder. For those of you out there not yet a friend of mine on facebook just add me and I'll add you right back :)

Plentyoffish is a dating website, a free dating website which makes it a very rare and highly desirable internet haunt for a skint bastard like me. I am personally very tired of having to spend hours signing up to sites that then charge the earth to send and recieve e-mails....what a fucking rip off.
My hopes of meeting someone through this site have thus far been dashed, consistantly and in the most curious of circumstances. Allow me to explain......and I shall mention no names. I recently met someone through the site who supplied me with an e-mail address and an invition to MSN where we could chat with ease and get to know each other better. Things went well, we had a lot in common and we both complimented each other on looks, aspirations etc. In fact we arranged to meet up for a day in London and spoke everyday on MSN, perhaps wrongly I felt that this could be the beginning of a new relationship, should the initial meeting be a success of course. Sadly the meeting never occured because of illness and before I knew what to say I was being referred to as a friend and being contacted on a far less regular basis than before.....haven't I already been here before, surely it must be someone elses turn by now????? To top it all she now has a boyfriend and appears to have been talking to him the whole time so I got the runner-up prize.......which is........SOD ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Another girl e-mailed me, invited me up to Sheffield for a date and then very soon after blocked me from sending anymore messages....I don't remember being vulgar, abusive or disrespectful so WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ALL ABOUT!!!!!!!!
I am at a loss to find any explanation as to why I am constantly handed the friend card when the very same person goes out with someone they consider a friend soon after. Can it just be me or is this a common experience that thousands of other people have to endure too???? I know I'm not perfect but then who is......answers in a postcard please.

I may have found another job, I don't wish to say aanything until it's definitely mine but I do have a trial so fingers crossed on that front.

Deciding to be a little more proactive in my self promotion I decided the e-mail a tonne of agencies my script in the hope of catching some interest. Sadly after a slew of rejection e-mails and one that said simply, 'Like the idea but not taking anyone on' I am left with a feeling that more forceful measures will have to be taken. Strangly in my experience the more sarcastic my enquiries the more swift, honest and complimentary the response.....go figure.

As I mentioned before I am very poor at the moment. As a result I have to raise money from time to time by selling possessions to finance another venture or something I want more. With Collectormania 15 rapidly approaching I was forced to sell DVD's and I got very little for them really. I did however have a chance to speak to an old manager of mine (from Virgin) and I got the distinct impression he was bracing himself for a tirade of abuse. I do have reason for this, firstly he hired me in 2004 knowing the shop was closing and at Christmas he refused me a job there........me at Blockbusters.......I know more about movies than the entire staff combined and no that's not a boast but a fact!!!!

I wonder what the future holds for me now?????

Just who keeps on testing me here??

2009-06-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

Ok so this maybe isn't going to be the most uplifting of posts but it's how I'm feeling at the moment so I can but apologise.

I am a firm believer that life teaches us lessons and it up to us as individuals to learn from these experiences and make ourselves better, more well rounded people. Having been through depression and a mountain of shit since 2004 I had felt that 2009 was to to the beginning of a new page, a better experience in my general day to day existence.
Thus far however I appear to be endlessly swimming against not only a strong current but a waterfall on a par with Nigara Falls. I lost my car because it died and I wasn't able to buy another one which means I have to rely on public transport which is horrible. I lost my job because of one mistake and head office grossly overreacting. I am endlessly broke, having to survive by eeking out what little money I can from my weekend job at Burtons (which is made barable by only one person). I am living in Rayleigh which bares an uncanny resemblance to my version of hell and I have nothing on the horizon to get me out. I seem to spend my time working constantly on my TV series 'High Spirits' and getting next to nothing in terms of contacts/support/advice as in how to get on the TV. Every e-mail I send is rejected, every contact claims they have no influence and every celebrity far too busy to take notice. After what is around 18 months I am tired of being single, girls I meet or try to meet just seem to be overly harsh towards me or not interested/psychopathic so please enough with that too.

I do try and take comfort in the notion that change is inevitable, it has to be. I've been through about as much shit as it's possible to take now, I want things to pan out differently.

And another thing I forgot!!!!!!

2009-05-28T11:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I made my way to Southend high street to catch up with Daniel and have another 4 hour coffee. This also gave me an opportunity to check out the job centre......I could barely contain the excitement at that prospect.
However as I prepared to return home I was called by another friend who was down old Leigh having a drink so I caught a bus and met up with Ben.....my oldest friend. Had far too many pints, which for a lightweight like me was about 4 and staggered back to watch South Park before passing out...............LIVING LIFE ON THE EDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The up's and down's of Ross Levere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-28T10:47:00.000-07:00

Apologies to those of you who read this blog for not having updated sooner but things have been as hectic and manic as ever......somethings just never change.

On Thursday 21st May David and I made our usual trip to 'The Trading Rooms' for the quiz night and despite some pretty stiff competition we won......hooray. Although our triumph was sullied by the accusation we faced for cheating from another team who acted like petulant children and made everyone in the pub feel uncomfortable. Lets be clear, just because I know about stuff from the 50's/60's or 70's does not make me (or David) a cheat. Despite being in our 20's both of us are fans of shows such as 'The Goodies' and we share a keen interest in cinema and music from all genres and decades......so next time people try not to be so sore in defeat. Added to which if you were that good yourselves you'd have come second and I don't remember your team being called in the prizes so GO FUCK A GRAPEFRUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On Saturday David and I went to the London Expo being held at the Excel centre to meet Tony Curtis, Linda Hamilton and Richard Anderson. Sadly Tina was not able to join me at what was to be her first convention ever but luckily the ticket was not wasted as David was able to came along. Our journey was not as smooth as I had hoped what with almost every line having engineering works carried out but after a few detours and even a short bus ride we arrived at what was to be a very disappointing day. Everywhere you could see were people dressed as seemingly random characters from comics, film, TV, cartoons, manga, cosplay and even literature!!!!! David found this environment very uncomfortable and whilst I have never been one for dressing up I have to admit that I didn't understand who many of them were trying to be. Regardless we entered the hall after a very long queue slowly dwindled down and were shocked to find that next to no film related stalls existed......if however you want a giant Japanese Pez dispenser you were at the right event. With little else to do we queued up, met the desired guests....who were awesome. Tony Curtis asking us for permission to consume a muffin (blueberry I think) and Linda Hamilton laughing warmly when I asked her to sign my 'King Kong Lives' one-sheet that I found on ebay especially. Once I had obtained the signatures that I wanted David and I quickly left, disappointed by the event and annoyed that the virtual queue system collapsed soon after it was instigated. Still Tony Curtis was a joy and a legend, if only for peering down a girls top as she posed for a photo with him, 84 and he still knows where his priorities are!!!!!

As for the rest of the week I was due to attend an extra day at work (Burtons) for a promotion change in my shoe department on Tuesday. This was allegedly an all day affair but it turned out someone else had been called in to help out and after 3.5 hours we were finished so I buggered off at 1. On Wednesday I was due to start working at The Crooked Billet after a successful trial the week before but I was called up and told that there were not enough hours to go around and as I was the first one in I would be the first one out............guess where I had to return to.......yes, the damned job centre.......joy.

Episode 5 has so far been a joy to write (this week) and I am now only about 9 pages away from completion which is a far cry from the hellish experience of trying to write it last week when I dried up creatively.....keep those eyes peeled at http://rosslevere.webs.com

New job, High Spirits and clean running!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-20T06:14:00.000-07:00

Yes people I have finally secured myself a new job. This time I shall be working at The Crooked Billet in Leigh-On-Sea as a barman once again. So far I have worked one shift only but I'm assured more are to follow so salvation has taken me under her wing for the moment.

High Spirits is gathering some interest and support on the world wide web so to add yours please go to http://rosslevere.webs.com and do everything you can............I promise I'll love you forever and ever.

And as my previous blog appears to have raised a few eyebrows I wish to make it clear that last nights midnight running session was done cleanly in all senses.

Stopped by the police.....again!!!!!!

2009-05-14T04:28:00.000-07:00

I admit that I may live my life in a somewhat unconventional manner but why is this such a difficult concept to explain to Essex police at 2am??? Yes I am a young white male walking the streets alone at night and dressed from head to toe in dark clothes but does that necessarily tar me with responsibility for a series of burglaries......I think not!!!

To explain myself a little I wish to make it clear that running at such a time has a number of advantages that may not be apparent to everyone. There are next to no cars on the road so the pollution levels are at a minimum, everyone else is in bed so I don't have to run around people or even get in anyones way and to be honest it's less humid at that time. Now weighing up these facts I therefore came to the conclusion that going for a run in the early hours was best for me and fittingly put myself into some sort of regime.

However as everyone knows after a run you need a cool down period. A few minutes of walking and stretching to calm the body calm slowly and return the lungs to their normal rate of function and it is during these moments (as I look my most shifty) that the police seem to pull up.
Last night I was walking down a side road, by a school, and just past the Asdas branch in Rayleigh when (you guessed it) I was questioned.
This time however I was actually asked for ID......who takes ID on a run I ask you???? Then I'm asked for my name and address whilst they check the details and 'allow' me to continue with my freedom and ultimately journey home.

I can only but wonder what was running through their minds as to the origin of the large stain on my sweatshirt. Well wonder no longer.......it was the result of a lonely night and a quick trip to the more exotic sites that the internet has to offer. The first thing I had to hand being the sweatshirt in question as the fruits of this act erupted.....I think you know what I mean. In my defense I was intending to wash said top the very next morning but with a shortage of suitable running gear I decided to dry it out and to hell with the consequences......what...it was mine afterall.

Ever get the feeling change is finally in the air???

2009-05-10T04:00:00.000-07:00

Having been left to languish on the professional scrap heap of life for around 6 years now I would appear to have started to actually generate some interest in my work...a staggering 13 years after I put pen to paper for something other than homework.
With episode 4 of 'High Spirits' finished and safely copywritten I decided that the time was right to try and get some support for this project and set about creating a group on facebook to round up some good will and send it my way. Thus far almost 100 people have joined and the comments have been very uplifting, why didn't I try this sooner?? Perhaps I wasn't ready to be discovered with a sci-fi series (do not worry Kaneleigh fans I will get him on TV one day) or maybe I've grown more confident in expressing my work. Either way this last week has been a very uplifting experience for me and I look forward to following up the possibilities hanging in the air with regards to creative opportunities.
And as a last shameless attempt to get myself some more attention may I please divert you to

http://rosslevere.webs.com/

My very own (and shiny new) website

Love to the worthy (you know who you are)

Work disasters, Episode 4, Star Trek in HD, Temptation and Ohsofuckable & Plentyoffish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-05T06:32:00.000-07:00

I realise that I have been a tad sporadic in my blog updating recently but things have been somewhat erratic at the moment.......as you'll be reading in a moment!!!!!

Burtons, well lloyds, is where I find myself every Saturday so unsurprisingly I found myself stood waiting outside it a warm morning last weekend. The difference being that this week my area manager had paid a visit during the week........eeek. In my defense I work but one day a week and rarely recieve the relevant information required to undertake my duties so please don't judge me too harshly. To be blunt I was left feeling that the situation was taken out of context and my apparent lack of diligence boiled down to the fact that the sheets I find arriving in the post for my attention do not contain the correct information. No!!!!!!!!!!. Apparently I am supposed to have realised though somekind of telephathic link (I would imagine) that the previously unmentioned BSSR sheet contains the data that they wish me to follow. Whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Having discussed and formulated a narrative with one Heather Wallace (you know who you are) episode 4 has now been completed. It only remains for me to print, copyright and e-mail it for publication and the world can scrutinise my latest entry for the series. A special thank you also has to go out to Tina Kaur who was of undeniable assistance during the completion of the script....Tina, thanks.

Ahhhhhh now what is beauty????? From my university days I recall that aesthetics explores this possibility and all number of ideas, theories and conclusions may be reached. The truth however is far simpler. To discover beauty one has only to watch the Star Trek movies on Blu-Ray!!!!!!!!! Never before have these movies actually shone in the way that they do thanks to the recent restoration lasvished upon them by Paramount. In the past I have owned these films on VHS and DVD and despite improvements in quality they have always looked unloved and rather dirty. It is with great satisfaction therefore that I can say that Star Trek shines in the 21st century and I look forward eagerly to the next set containing movies 7-10. And there my geekdom rests for a moment.

Now with the financial situation that we all find ourselves a part of it is important to stay afloat. Unfortunately for me I was banished from my job at Threshers and have thus far been left waiting for interviews and the like for the large number of CV's I've handed out over the past few weeks.
What is playing on my mind at the moment is whether to try and return to my old place of employment..........The Oakwood!!!! I may well take a trip in there tomorrow and find out what can (or can't) be done.

Recalling a conversation with Heather Wallace in regards to 'Hot or Not' I decided to sign up my details to 'Ohsofuckable', a website basically the same in motivation if a little more forward in it's execution. Now I did this not to meet anyone or look for anything sordid but purely to see what my score is. Trust me shallow notions like this hold little interest for me (I just like the attention)
and this particular website has about as much depth as a childs swimming pool. Still with a score like 8.6 who's complaining!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plentyoffish......what can one say but marvellous. Finally a dating website that doesn't charge the earth for a monthly subscription only to find that the women you mail aren't interested....something I can successfully achieve in a club. What makes this one so amazing is the fact it's FREE, yes FREE so at the very least I don't have to part with money to be ignored.

Love

An odd few days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-29T08:07:00.001-07:00

Well here I am......back again and full of stories to tell from the frontline of my life...........Ready??????..........Then I'll begin.

With Sunday passing by in that rather dull way that Sunday's tend to I found myself for the most part catching up on sleep and looking after the new puppy we have in the family. Yes there is now an 11 week old Lakeland terrier called Margo annoying the cats and chewing everything in sight. She is incredibly cute though and after almost a week of her arriving things are calming down with the other animals.

Apart from looking after this bundle of fluff I have been writing episode 4 of 'High Spirits' so look out for that hopefully in the coming weeks. And talking of High Spirit's I have to say thanks to Tina for coming up with a cracker of a pub name and Heather for developing the story of Episode 4 with me on Thursday.

Take care dear readers

Love to the worthy

So many things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-26T06:24:00.000-07:00

What with it having been a few days since my last update there has naturally been a fair bit happen in the somewhat bizarre world of Ross.

On Wednesday I made my way to Southend for a coffee and chat with Dan, well we had hot chocolate and sat there talking for about 4 hours. I gave myself a sugar rush and subsequent headache by consuming a cookie the size of a small table and almost ended up approaching a man who looked like John Landis when I stopped myself and realised that in no way would he be in a Starbucks in Southend............or would he??????
Further embarassment was not far away for when I ran up to an x-box 360 and got far too excited at the prospect of being able to show Dan my Guitar Hero skills I was shown to be a fraud......but in my defense it was using a control pad.....not a guitar!!!!!!

On Thursday I met up with my cousin in Southend (again) and we walked along the seafront discussing anything that happened to pop into our heads. I even resisted getting too angry with the racist twats who were parading themselves along the street talking bollocks between huge mouthfuls of special brew.......god bless England!!!!
It being Thursday I was soon at the pub for the quiz and this week our determination to win was high.....what with being 4th last week. Luckily though Heather was able to join us for a while and we were even able to come up with a story for episode 4 of High Spirits.....thanks Heather and look out for that credit!!!!
Victory was ours in the quiz!!!!!!!!!! First place and so another bottle of vile fizzy stuff was ours for the drinking.

On Friday I made my way to London to meet Ernest Borgnine at a Cinema Store signing and decided to get there early so I could pay a visit to The British Museum. Now in recent years I have been afflicted with a condition that leaves me in tears whilst watching movies from my past....for example having seen Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom many 1000's of times I was surprised when one day I started crying when Indy saves the children from slavery. I guess certain things make me emotional but never before have I ever had to hold back tears in a museum.
The fact that I was surrounded by people from all nations, backgrounds, genders and ages uplifted my heart because we were all there for one reason.....to learn. We live in a free society, something that people tend to forget and take for granted. What was more.......the entry was free. Education at my fingertips, all of us there blown away by the Rosetta Stone.
Ernest Borgnine was swamped (at least for a cinema store signing) and I was so happy when he shook my hand and called me friend. Sadly though the usual collection of geeks tainted the experience with the uncool brush again.........but I was there to add some glamour....lol
Being in the area I decided to drop into Forbidden Planet, having spent far too much money in Fopp and I had a moment of pure geek joy. For as I left who should pass me but Kim Newman. Never one to miss a chance I introduced myself as a fan and left him somewhat bemused...I don't think he's used to being spotted especially by sci-fi nerds.
The planned uni reunion I had organised was almost cancelled when Tracy called up to say she was sick but luckily Adrian and I decided to meet up for a 'quick' drink regardless and 5 hours later I had to navigate my way home on London underground......quite an experience. Adrian it was really cool to see you again and I can't wait to hang out soon.
When I finally got back to hell......sorry Rayleigh I found a new addition to the family.....a Lakeland terrier puppy called Margo. And boy is she cute.

Saturday...........Burtons............work.............sci-fi chats with Les...............lunch..........more chats...........home.
Had a great evening though with David, Sam and Sheree. Ironman kicks ass.............well that and Animal House!!!!!!!!!
Even the 12 mile walk home was alright.....got in at 4 but I had Ricky Gervais podcasts to keep me entertained!!!!!

Who knows what tomorrow will bring?????

Episode 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-20T16:14:00.000-07:00

Just a short update to say that episode 3 is finished at last. It's been a real struggle to get it done but after a slew of false starts I'm really happy with the finished result please keep those eyes peeled on

http://mybooxite.com/default.aspx

Love

This last week!!!!!!

2009-04-19T05:52:00.000-07:00

My apologies to those people who actually read this thing, I have been somewhat tardy and neglected to update this blog for a week now. However I'm back and ready to fill you in on everything that has happened.....although I warn you now it isn't exactly going to induce a rush of excitement.

Having recovered from the all-too-short Saturday night spectacle that was Paul's 50th birthday Sunday was a rather quiet affair. I ended up on the internet all day and got very bored, went for a run and wnet to bed, what a way to celebrate the resurrection of Christ (if you believe in that sort of thing).
Monday however was to be more interesting. My grandparents came over and we all had a proper Easter/Christmas dinner. Now I can imagine you're confused as to why I put Easter/Christmas there but despair not I shall explain. Christmas 2008 was (to be somewhat blunt) rubbish for our family......on Christmas Eve my Nan was found on her bathroom floor having fallen over the day before. She was taken to hospital and didn't come out until New Year and my Grandad lost a friend of his as we were about to sit down and have our dinner on the same damned day. So you can imagine the good will and jokes were flying around that night.
As a result it was decided that Easter would act as a second chance Christmas.....we even had crackers and played Trivial Pursuit (how very festive). And apart from the fact that I was left very much in the cold by the new Red Dwarf special everyone had a good time which is about all anyone can hope for at a family event.

On Tuesday I had an appointment at Citizens Advice which I understood was to be a consultation about my legal rights in regards to Threshers. Reality however was to be far removed from this (now) utopian dream I had concocted and I was told that nothing can/could or will be done unless I take legal action.......and I have no money to launch such an attack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently the very fact that Threshers sacked me for 'Gross Misconduct' means that legally I have about as many rights as a with no legs complaining that 'Clarks' don't make shoes in his size!!!!!!!!

On the positive front however......(drum roll please).......episode 2 of my sitcom has been published at......

http://mybooxite.com/default.aspx

So please pay it a visit, read, vote and spread the word to all and sundry.........I promise I'll love forever and ever xx

Now all of this brings me to Thursday.....the now traditional weekly visit to 'The Trading Rooms' for the quiz. Sadly though on this occasion our place was not 1st but 4th (well technically 3rd because 2nd & 3rd had the same damned score). After 4 weeks riding high at the top we found ourselves without a cheap bottle of 'wine' to complain about.......nevertheless we shall return!!!!!!!!! (You'll have to imagine the evil laugh there).

Here's hoping that the numerous jobs I have applied for get back to me this week so that I can once again earn some decent money and salvage my mind from the ravages of boredom. Not that bar work is enough to stimulate me but it is something to push me towards writing more than unemployment has.

Oh and before I forget I'm actually pretty excited to have been asked to be involved in the backstage work of 'My Fair Lady' for Southend Operatic & Dramatic Society (SODS) in November. I may only be moving sets and scenery but I get my name in the programme!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Later dear readers
xx

ok so I'm not quite sure what's going on but I want it to stop!!!!!!!

2009-04-15T17:30:00.000-07:00

Ever had that feeling when you just can't seem to settle, where boredom lurks around every corner and nothing seems to be able to relax you.......well that's where I'm finding myself and it's a feeling I've been trying to shake for far too long.

As you all know I lost my job at Threshers because of one error and although David and I remained confident that I would be returning sadly it was not to be. The result is that I'm now looking for another job and even the prosepct of taking further legal action seems wholly out of my grasp.
Therefore I have decided to look for bar work......I have experience (and I know this may sound silly) but crucially I can DO IT.
My annoyance is that despite being ready, willing and able to start immediatly every bar I've been to says the same.....interviews will be held in the next few weeks. Which leaves me little option but to attempt to hold on to my sanity for a while longer.

While I have free time it would appear an ideal opportunity to get some writing done, complete some more episodes of my sitcom, get them published and carry on in my quest to get a series on TV. Easier said than done I'm afraid......isolation means I have little to stimulate me and no-one to talk things over with and ultimately I end up reading, re-reading and re-re-reading my work....picking over the material and deciding that it's all crap and in dire need of wiping from humanities conscious.

What I'm reduced to praying for is an opportunity, a lifeline or failing that a FUCKING DAY AWAY from the life I currently find myself in.

Either that or I'm just having a bad couple of weeks?????

A quiet 50th birthday celebration............I think not!!!!!!!!

2009-04-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday being a Saturday I was once again entombed all day keeping myself busy with mundane tasks and evermore geeky conversations....which are awesome in their subject matter (to those of us cool enough to engage in them).
A glimmer of hope did however present itself with an evening out......namely the 50th birthday party of one Paul Sutton. A long time friend of my parents and therefore someone I have known all my life....I'm sure we all have such acquaintances in life and on this occasion we were all booked into an Indian restaurant.
So after some introductions and a few drinks having been sorted out we all relaxed and started talking to people who only an hour previously had been nothing more than strangers. Such is the case with these sort of get togethers, friends of friends are introduced by those in the know and social convention dictates whether or not we'll be getting on with them.
Soon after orders were taken and stomachs rumbled.............and then the weirdness started. Normally what with me being an alcoholic light weight I tend to avoid drinking too much and opt instead for a more sober option as those around me become less coherant. However my mother fell asleep at the table whilst eating her meal and then turned the wrong side of pale. My father disappeared for what seemed like ages and just as I start to get some introductions out of the way and take part in some pretty interesting conversations I'm bundled into a car and told that we've got a lift sorted out. And what with dad being sick all I'm concerned about is whether he can hold onto the contents of his stomach whilst this guy takes us home.
Not a night to forget about for a while............love it

Take a day or two out!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-09T04:04:00.001-07:00

Every six months or so I appear to be struck by a strange phenomenon. Despite many attempts I cannot explain what it is or why it curses me and the results always leave me somewhat confused.

The last time it happened I spent a few days feeling isolated, trapped and lost after watching the movie 'Wired'. Now why would a movie cause me to re-evaluate my life???? I'd read the book at uni and knew of Belushi's exploits so it wasn't as if there was something there to shake my admiration for his comedic talents. But what followed was a dark couple of days where I doubted everything and did very little despite trying to motivate my actions to the contrary.

This latest episode was instigated by yet another movie 'Boxing Helena'. Now for those of you familiar with it I need not explain but to the vast majority of you I have only to say it is a cult classic known only for it's awfulness. Back in 1993 when it was released I remember seeing the poster everywhere and made a mental note to see it one day when I was old enough to get my hands on a copy. And finally in 2009 I find a grubby VHS copy waiting for me in a charity shop and after 16 years in wait my mission nears completion.
Rather like the tape in 'The Ring' no good was to come from this viewing............I biggest question in my mind being just 'HOW THE FUCK DID SOMEONE GET FINANCE FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a film so bad that I can't even be bothered to list the endless problems I have with it and should I ever meet anyone involved then a one time pacifist will turn violent. For two whole days after I have questioned my work and never felt so isolated in my own mind. This may all sound rather over the top but I assure you that watching this movie saps creativity and reason leaving someone like me in an almost catatonic state.
There is a cure though.......................and should you be foolish enough to even think about watching that movie then please remember this. After 2 days and an awful lot of soul searching take a copy of 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show' and turn it up loud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did and it saved me. Take care x x x x

Sooooooooo very bored!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-07T13:46:00.000-07:00

Alas today has been incredibly dull and almost everything I've attempted to do has been met with failure. What is it all of sudden with me a lack of stimulation??????????????????

Burtons, citizens advice (part 2), quiz nights, 10000 tracks and application forms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-05T08:15:00.000-07:00

It being a Saturday I returned to work at Burtons and was surprised to feel that the day flew past in but an instant. I'm almost certain no wizards, mythical beings or god-like deities concocted a spell necessary to speed up time within the walls of our Rayleigh branch but in these things you can never be sure. Regardless of reason it was not long before I was escaping for another week bidding farewell to people who until recently I wouldn't have described as friends (Les excluded) and who even as I write this I struggle to realise may now be so.

Now as I mentioned in my previous blog I made a special effort to vist citizens advice for some guidance on the options open to me with Threshers. Going on a Wednesday was not a good move and so I returned on Thursday and only just managed to book a further appointment for about two weeks time where I will hopefully have an idea of where to go next.

David, Sam and I won the Trading Rooms quiz night for the third consecutive week in a row......which on the downside means that we had to consume another bottle of the vile, fizzy beverage that serves as a prize. Roll on next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After about two and a half years of being surgically joined to my i-pod I broke the 10,000 mark for music tracks. 10 years ago music didn't mean much to me and I probably only owned about 15 (decent) albums and now look. Oh how times have changed.

Now that I am currently looking for another job I have the pleasure of filling out application forms again.......I can't wait (can detect the sarcasm there???????).

Take care dear readers

Not on a Wednesday!!!!!

2009-04-01T07:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I recieved my letter from Threshers in regards to my appeal and the news wasn't good....for me anyway. Every point David and I made was knocked back with little care or explanation, in fact some of the statements made blatently wrong. I have to say that I was half expecting this from a company like Threshers who appear to live by their own rules and disregard basic rights (we were never allowed breaks despite working for up to 8 hours solid). And so with only one option left open to me I tried to call Citizens Advice and was met with a rather annoying voice telling me to keep calling because all members of staff 'are currently engaged'. After a few minutes of this I could feel my patience ebb away and I decided that I'd get up early tomorrow (today) and see someone personally. My plan worked flawlessly, I woke up early, walked into town and made my way to the desk with a smile. Now I'm not sure if the phrase 'not on a wednesday' is a common one down at citizens advice but it was one that greeted almost every question I posed.

1) Where is citizens advice?

-Do you have an appointment?
-no
- not on a wednesday without an appointment

2) Can I make an appointment?

-not on a wednesday

3) Is there someone I can talk to briefly?

-not on a wednesday

4) Ok. Can I leave some details here?

-not on a wednesday

5) The phone number just persists in telling me to call back.

-We're open tomorrow

6) So I've got to come back tomorrow and do all this again?

-unfortunately yes

7) Right....I'll be back.

-bye

In hindsight I shall rack this experience as another pointless one dealt with in Rayleigh where frankly anything other than escaping is woefully inadequate.

Before I go I wish to say thanks and offer my heartfelt support to Wendy Weis who is walking across America at this very moment in time. I was personally mentioned on her blogtalk radio show so please tune in and sign up.

BlogTalkRadio.com/punkprincess.

The weekend

2009-03-30T07:18:00.000-07:00

My weekend was different to the way most of my weekends go. Firstly I was up early on Saturday morning, that is despite the fact that I had still not caught up on the sleep I had missed out on Thurday.....but we'll leave that for the moment. Les was absent from work (amateur dramatics) and so I was left at the mercy of Katie who usually is pretty hostile towards me. However since having my hair cut she has changed her stance, I no longer brace myself for an insult but can look forward to a smile and even a conversation......whoever would have thunk it?????
Sunday saw me download some more 'Cure' albums and I can't stop listening to them. They are an amazing band and easily make my top 5. Fickle little bitch ain't I.

oh and as good news goes I had a pretty large dose because my script for 'High Spirits' was accepted and published...hopefully this will lead to fame and fortune.
check me out on

http://mybooxite.com/default.aspx

And after a somewhat bizarre period........

2009-03-27T17:17:00.000-07:00

I make my return to the glorious pages of my blog. For those of you who read the ramblings of my mind I assure you that the last few weeks have been something of an odd period in my life....a mixture of being fired, hounded, praised, degraded, lonely, popular, a joke and a joker!!!!!!

In regards to one particular incident that unfolded over a period of months (and in some ways continues to do so) I have to say that I am entirely at ease....finally. Some of you out there may have an idea as to what this refers to and some of you won't but I hope the matter is over and a sense of normality can return to the rollercoaster that is my life.

I have now written two complete episodes of my sitcom and the third is around a quarter way finished.....hopefully a few more sessions and my half way goal will be achieved. There is interest in making a very low budget pilot and uploading the material onto 'You Tube' and hoping that a bit of interest can be generated. Nothing is set in stone though so it's probably best not to break open the champagne just yet but keep it on ice just in case...........

My appeal at Threshers has (as yet) failed to reach me after the 7-10 day waiting period so in regards to that particular avenue I can't say whether I'm looking for a job or safely back in the reassuring embrace of retail......I shall let you know when I do I promise.

Last night David and I were joined by David's friend Sam for the Trading Rooms quiz and as reigning champions we were eager to defend our title. Happily we did and we won another cheap bottle of something fairly vile and fizzy.....still it was free and the cash prize bonus round was awesome because I won that too and picked up a smooth £23!!!!! That bought me a copy of Kevin Smith's new movie on blu-ray and the complete series 1 of Robot Chicken on DVD....how awesome is that.
Anyway I loved meeting Sam and got on really well with her....here's hoping she'll join us again soon for another quiz night soon.

See ya around and keep your eyes open for updates....I'm back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm back!!!!!!!

2009-03-23T06:22:00.000-07:00

I apologise for the recent gap in my blog writing duties but there have been a variety of factors contributing to this factor which I hope have now been resolved.

My new sitcom now has two complete episodes and has so far got favourable reviews from those unfortunate to have had it forced upon them by me eager for feedback.

I'm still waiting to hear back from Threshers to see if my appeal was successful so until then money is almost unbearably tight.....joy.

Copyright!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-16T08:59:00.000-07:00

I'm in the process of trying to copyright my sitcom pilot and am still waiting to hear back from my appeal at work. As a result I'm somewhat on edge at the moment

Updates soon

Love

My new sitcom!!!!!!

2009-03-06T03:19:00.000-08:00

As of this moment I am still fired from Threshers but I do have an appeal hearing confirmed for Friday 13th so we shall just have to see how that goes....fingers crossed.

The sitcom in question is one set in an off-license, weird huh.....where the inspiration for that came from is a mystery to me. Anyways I had the idea in the new year and discussed the set-up with Heather and it has taken until now (I tell myself I was gestating the concept) for me to finish the pilot and to have started episode 2. Things are looking good, ideas are flowing and people genuinely seem to be interested in the project...even at this stage.

And that is all I'm going to leave you with today. Last night I went out and my head is still sore even though I've been consuming vast amounts of water and have been sat in a darkened room for what seems like hours. Those responsible for this know who they are and I wouldn't have it any other way. Seriously guys you really are the best!!!!
One more thing............Where's my Taffy????????

London and getting let off!!!!!!!!

2009-02-27T10:08:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday afternoon I found myself buzzing from the fact I'd just finished the pilot I was writing for a sitcom I've been mulling over with Heather.
Checking the usual websites for any news and updates I stumbled across details of a signing by Robert Vaughn to be held at The Cinema Store the very next day. Jackpot, an excuse to go to London and I get to meet a legend as well - awesome. Fervently I dug out my Superman 3 quad (glad I bought that now, only £3.50 on ebay......bargain) and (on thursday) made my way to the train station.
Even before I'd got off London underground I saw someone I recognised from Eastenders about 15 years ago....namely Clares biological father. Having since done some research i now know his character was called Liam and his real name is Francis Magee...the best thing he's been in being an episode of Peep Show!!!!! Anyway I found myself in Notting Hill with the desire of finding Dracula's pad in Dracula A.D. 1972, suitably I had a map and an address. After a wrong turn and and a detour or two I found it (pictures are on facebook). By now it was only 12.30 and Robert Vaughn wasn't to be signing until 2.30 so I decided to make a detour to Earls Court and find Jenny Agutters place from 'An American Werewolf in London'. Simple enough (and again pictures are on Facebook).
Hopping on the underground I appeared at Tottenham Court Road and checked out a few shops before joining a daunting queue populated by 50 year old geeks.....joy. Still it makes having an i-pod that bit greater!!!!!!
On my way into the shop I was informed by a security man that other than the book I was to purchase I was allowed to have only one other item signed. Excellent I had only a poster, so having had the book suitably dealt with I unroll this huge quad on the desk and hand Robert Vaughn a permanent marker that I'd brought with me. After that I thanked him and made my way elsewhere to avoid being thrown out for blocking other geeks on their quest to meet Napoleon Solo.
After that The National Gallery drew in me and I spent an hour or so looking at art, paying particular attention to an original Da Vinci they had there. The other draw for me was a chance to see the huge Van Dyke portraint they have of Charles I on horseback....it just blows me away everytime I see it.
Being that The National Portrait Gallery is right next to this venue I decided to have another look around there and kill off some time whilst I waited to hear from Laura (who I was meeting for a drink at about 5.30). Having absorbed more valuable culture I made my way to Leicester Square so that I could sit down for a few minutes (my feet were killing me) and who should I see but Matt Lucas!!!!!!!!! I grabbed a pad and pen and asked him for an autograph what a stroke of luck huh!!!!!!
Laura then called me and I made my way over to meet her and a friend of hers who would be joining us. I love hanging out with Laura and last night was no disappointment, it's just a shame we don't meet up more often.

Today I got let off from the fine, the fine that cost me my job. Having been issued an £80 fine for selling to an underage person in a test purchase I was told that there was in fact no case and that the matter was closed. However after a few phone calls (not by me) I was told that an admin error had been made and that I was to be re-issued a ticket at a later date whilst at work. Then yesterday I get a letter from Essex Police saying that the matter had indeed been closed and that no record of the incident would be made. Then this afternoon the police officer who issued me the ticket turns up at my front door with the intention of re-issuing the ticket. Showing him the letter however caused him to retract this action and I was let off.
So as it stands the matter is entirely closed and I lost my job over nothing...better get that appeal going methinks!!!!!!!!

'Whats been happening' I hear you all ask. Well...............................

2009-02-25T05:49:00.000-08:00

I am currently in the process of appealing against the draconian punishment I recieved at the hands of Threshers last week. However whenever I call either of the numbers given to me I get answer machines or voicemail. I have left my contact number but have thus far heard nothing back.

As for the rest of my life, well I don't wish to curse what I hope may be a real change in direction but things are looking a tad brighter. The sitcom idea that Heather and I have been discussing for the past few weeks needed some attention and being that my other project is getting a little muddled I decided to take a look. After three days I had a pilot and some considerable support from friends and contacts I have made on dear old Facebook. That is not to conclude that fame will be knocking at my door by next week but it's a step in the right direction.
I've also reconnected with a few people that I lost touch with recently which is great and yes that means you Caroline & Vicky.

Other than that I've started watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer again after I stopped working my way through it last year when I had too much stuff to get through (House M.D. boxsets for example).
The Godfather trilogy on Blu-Ray is awesome, so beautiful!!!!!!!!!
Oh and I've been ripping those horribly packaged free DVD's you get in Sunday papers so that I can get rid of them but still enjoy the movies.

The last week and a half!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-02-22T08:13:00.000-08:00

Having previously had a run of shite (as I mentioned in my last blog) I had (wrongly it would seem) concluded that times would begin to change for the better.
Oh how wrong I was.....

I got the bus to work early so that I could take a detour to the County Court and pay off my fine, whilst there I was told that the matter had been closed and that the fine no longer stood. Good times I thought as I practically skipped to work on a real high. However when I reach work I find that the matter is being taken further and I have to give a statement for the work records.
A few days pass and arriving for a shift at 6 I'm quickly turned around having been suspended pending an investigation and disciplinary.....what the fuck....haven't I already been punished for this????????
So I call David and we draw up our battle plans over a quick drink in the pub. Everything seemed to be fine, or so we thought. Come Friday and the meeting is held.....after 90 minutes I'm fired, gone!!!!!!!! I do have the right to appeal and I will be but this whole thing really is the most unnecessary load of crap ever.

I shall have to keep you posted.

How's about this for a run of bad luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-02-13T03:40:00.000-08:00

1. My cat gets sick and we have to wait ages to find out he's ok after the vet casually mentioned that he probably has diabete's. Not that I'm not relieved to know he's fine but the worry still played on my mind.

2. I find out that the emergency tax I was paying at Burtons still hasn't been sorted out DESPITE the fact that I filled out all the damned paper work for my area manager!!!

3. I got fined £80 last night for selling alcohol to the OLDEST looking '15' year old you ever did see. To top that off I then get some smug git policeman act all superior....I made a mistake, it happens.

4. Due to the fine it seems that there is a plan afoot to sack me from Threshers, this despite the fact that the only repercussion from the incident is my fine.

5. I now will have to wait even longer to save up the £80 to pay for my new passport. Which means that I'll have to wait longer to see Andy and Steff and have my first holiday in 5 years.

6. My writing has dried up and I'm so frustrated that a voice in the back of my head is telling me it's all shit anyway.

7. Valentines day is rapidly approaching and I'm still single having made various attempts to meet people. Apparently the only interested parties tend to be psycho's!!!!

8. I hate working at Burtons because apart from one member of staff they are all narrow minded drones who chastise me all day.

9. I'm constantly broke.

10. I hate being like this!!!

There are probably elements that I've forgotten for the time being. Who can tell????? To be honest I'm dreading today!!

Helen's birthday, Burtons, Eddie Izzard, Dylan Moran, odd dreams & Agincourt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-02-09T04:59:00.000-08:00

Frankly I was slightly concerned about the plans I had made for Saturday night but went anyway and had a really good time.
It being Helens birthday the original idea was for a group of us to go play quazar in Basildon. Regardless of the fact that I SUCK at quazar I was looking forward to seeing everyone and having a laugh over drinks afterwards. This proposal however was killed off when too many people had to cancel and so Helen put plan 'B' into action which involved less quazar but more drinking...not bad huh??? What concerned me was the fact that we were all to meet at her friends house before hand and what with me being a stranger I was a little apprehensive to tell the truth. This has nothing to do with them but rather the last vestiges of my former self that still exist within my own mind. In other words the shy, fat kid that all those who came into contact with me knew as Ross tried to convince me that little had changed in the last decade. Now this is bollocks, complete bollocks in fact. I have changed quite radically from the person I once was and so with a mental bitch-slap I arrived at the party ready for a good time. The evening did not disappoint. Everyone was amazing, we all had a right laugh and I was sad that by 2.30am I had to leave (because my lift was waiting outside for me).

Burtons however was not such a pleasant experience. The ONLY one I actually like there is Les but I met him before I even started and will definitely know him after I leave. Sadly however my ally was sick and so I had to endure the snipes, pokes and nasty comments that almost always emanate from the Manager, Katie. She doesn't like me, I know not why specifically except to say that she's very conservative and well I'm not. It being only a Saturday job that I hate anyway I will be looking for a new job as soon as I get my sticky fingers on local paper or to the job centre.

My sister and I are off to Wembley in December to see Eddie Izzard, I can't wait. Dylan Moran however is tonight and I'm equally excited as is Heather who is joining me.

I have been having some very odd dreams recently. Some of them so real that I wake up and find that the woman I've been kissing is nothing but an orange pillow. Damn and I thought she liked me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quite why I had a dream that I was hanging out with Tom Cruise though is beyond me (and those of you already thinking it, no I was not kissing Tom).

I mentioned Agincourt in the title for this blog because I've started to read a book on that subject and it's fascinating. Having grasped all my knowledge of this battle from scraps of Shakespearian text I decided that an actual historical perspective may be better.

New week starting, new possibilities!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wales, a damned persistant headache, the snow & wondering how to approach someone you like on the subject of a 'date' (sort of)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-02-03T05:32:00.000-08:00

Some weeks ago I was invited to spend the the weekend in Wales, Cardiff to be precise, by my sort of cousin Benedict. We dicided on using the title 'sort-of' because neither of us can be bothered to figure out the precise (and correct) term to describe how we are related - we just are on some level.
Anyway having concluded I was short enough on funds to prohibit this trip I consigned the idea of being there for his birthday to the scrap heap of life and continued to dull my brain with the mundane tasks that work persists I carry out. No change there then. So a week or two passed and Benedict phoned me up to seek a more direct answer than my plan of just ignoring the invitation or at best sending an e-mail of apology (git ain't I). Needless to say that after a good conversation we hatched a plan which would allow me the opportunity to attend the celebration and so after booking the time off work I had little to do but wait for the 31st Jan.
I woke up early, hitched a lift to the station and purchased a ticket to London Victoria where I was to board a coach to Cardiff and then basically get drunk. Simple, easy, I wish. Arriving at Victoria I follow the signs to the coach area and find the National Express no.509 that I need. I stand there in the cold waiting and watching the driver consume a packed lunch of vile looking sandwichs, he saw me shivering and read his paper. With the coach due to leave at 12.30 I was confused as to why I was still not aboard by 12.28 and decided to ask what the plan was. The answer was not what I wanted to hear!!!! I'm told that the departure area is over the road and that I've been waiting in the arrivals park, now had I taken stupid pills or was I misled by the fact that the SIGNS at the station told me this was where I needed to be. Running over the road I find my coach as the bastard starts up and leaves without me. Even my frantic attempt to flag him down and show him my ticket through the large glass door was met with a shake of the head and tough luck expression. Returning to the ticket office I'm then informed that I cannot simply board the next coach, the ticket applies to one coach only. I'm going to have to pay for a new ticket. £36 lighter in the bank account I wait an hour for the next coach and finally get on my way to Wales, a little late but on route. Relaxing a little I listen to the new Ricky Gervais audiobook I downloaded that morning and watch as london passes me by.
After 3 1/2 hours my legs ache but I'm able to stretch them for a few minutes as we arrive in Cardiff and I call Benedict so that he can come pick me up. Wrong again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After 15 minutes he still hasn't found me despite being at the coach station as planned, it turns out the coach had made stop somewhere else and I was miles away from him. Where was I????? I walk into the centre of a town so vile and run down it makes Barking look nice and ask a woman in a newsagent where I am. Confused she (eventually) answers my question - 'Newport'. Luckily there's a train station, not where the sign says but after 5 minutes I find it and have to pay another £3.40 to get to Cardiff. Arriving there Benedict is waiting in the car park with his mate (Leon) and girlfriend (Kim). Panic has now replaced relief as we are running very late for the restaurant.......Restaurant!!!!! That wasn't on the agenda before......damn that's another £15 I was hoping not to spend. Now I wish to amke it clear that I'm not tight but I do need to save my finances for a number of reasons....least of all Chinese restaurants.
Regardless the meal is great but with our schedule having been altered time is short. The comedy club we're booked into locks the doors at 8 and so by 7.30 we're all desperately trying to not forfeit our tickets by arriving late. We get in buy some drinks and relax. The comedy clubs doors then stay open until 9.30 and our first comic doesn't show up until 10 - and I use the term comic in its broadest possible sense. Where it 1972 these guys may have had some cutting edge routines, sadly however being a 21st century citizen I found them about as funny as being told I have terminal cancer by Simon Cowell. So after an evening of fat blokes making 'jokes' about fat women we head off of a wanky bar, consume one drink and decide to head to a nearby 'goth' club. Now we're talking!!!!!!!!!!!! We hail a cab jump in and find it closed. Dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was by then around 1.30 so we walk to Ben's flat pick up some booze hail, another cab and get back to his parents (which is where we were all sleeping anyway).
So we sit around the table have a drink and a laugh before I drop the bomshell. My coach leaves at 11.30 am. By now it was 2.30 and I drunkenly avoid telling Ben that I've had to purchase two new tickets and that rather than leaving in the afternoon I now require a lift in 7 hours. Passing out we wake up at 10 and by 11.30 I'm on my coach, hungover and tired. Despite this however I fail to fall asleep and end up listening to podcasts on my ipod because I can't focus on the book I have in my bag. I get to London and remember soemthing about there being works on the line back to Rayleigh and that I have to get a connecting bus at Laindon. So after finding myself on the wrong train I get off at Barking and decide the best thing to do is just buy a single to Southend which should mean I can just make it to WORK at 5!!!!!!! That ticket cost more than an allday travel card but I'm too tired to care and at 4.55 I crawl into work, staying there until 10. The bus didn't arrive til 11 but Heather and I decided to have a drink of coke in the pub opposite to pass the time. By 11.30 I get to Rayleigh station and am picked up by my dad who has offered to collect me so that I don't have to walk in the snow. Getting back I managed to watch one episode of 'House' before falling into a coma at around 12.30 which is the earliest I've been to bed in months!!!!!!
Still if I had the option of doing it all over again I would. I love seeing Ben and don't get the chance to do so anywhere near as much as I'd like.

It is now 2.30pm on the Tuesday and I still have a headache from the weekend mentioned above.

I have recently started to talk to someone I like a lot. That's all the information I'm prepared to give at the moment

Love and peace

So just who is reading this blog???????

2009-01-28T17:50:00.000-08:00

It has come to my attention recently that there are more than two people reading this blog. Now whilst this is awesome news I feel that my frank and honest opinions may no longer be possible for fear of pissing off someone who was never meant to learn my personal slants on life.

Do not worry though I may well decide to carry on regardless and I'm sure there'll be plenty of drama in the coming weeks and months (of that I can almost guarantee). For instance I have taken something of a fondness for someone that I only really got to know at the weekend despite having met her some time previously. Now that is not to say that I'm orchestrating a date but I'd like to. Having been screwed around with of late and finding the loneliness that comes with being single something of a burden I don't wish to count on anything other than fate - if it's meant to be it's meant to be.

Loved catching up with Dan today, scarily we've known each other for 11 years and been through quite a few changes since then. It only seems like yesterday we were both facing the prospect of entering our 20's with dread and now 30 is only but 3 years away!!!!

I've started to read Watchmen again in anticipation of the movie being released in March, well I say read again. In reality I was half way through Andy's copy when I decided to buy the Absolute edition and never got around to finishing it.

Finding myself in a number of charity shops today I had to buy something that I'll probably never be able to use in a practical sense at least. Dan and I found a copy of Bart Vs. The Space Mutants for the PC, with 3 1/2" floppy discs and it brought back so many memories of 1991 it was worth the £1 pricetag if only for the nostalgia associated with it.

Updates!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-26T04:53:00.000-08:00

Well having escaped and survived the horror of last week this week has (thus far) been a little calmer. Now that is not to say that I have been bored or in any way lazy, rather just neglected by the usual culprits of late.......you know who you are!!!!

Saturday was started by the realisation that I'd over slept and so with precious seconds to spare I had to dash out of the front door and begin the walk perilous journey to Burtons. Of course my walk is far from perilous but as a writer I feel that from time to time I have the liberty of being able to make the odd exaggeration here and there. There are only so many times that walking to work provides anything of genuine interest.
Anyways after work I had arranged to go to 'evo' with Heather and being that we were suffering from a collection of ailments (for various reasons) we agreed that once my bus arrived at 11.30 we'd call it a collective night. However by the time 11.30 came round to meet us I was engaged in a conversation that I didn't wish to leave and Heather had agreed to stay a little longer with a mate of hers. In rather a cavalier fashion I dismissed the bus having departed and stayed until 2am, with Heather too. Well plans are meant to be broken aren't they!!!!!
Now it being 2am and the only transport option being a cab I decided that my £4.45 wouldn't get me very far. Assessing the situation I had but one option to consider, walk. Now as we all know I have recently walked to Rayleigh from Southend so I knew that this was a viable option and promptly started as soon as I waved goodbye to Heather. On went the Ricky Gervais show as I hid my i-pod (in case someone should try an mug me) discreetly in my jacket.
Having actually hit Rayleigh and well over half way through my expedition I then come across my first drunk who I can see is trying to gain my full attention. Pausing Karl Pilkington for a moment I stop and see what he wants and on closer inspection I realise he's younger than me (around 19) and very lost. Through a slurred sentence I gathered that he wanted help to find a police station and somehow hitch a lift to Basildon. Half tempted to nod and point him in the direction of Southend it dawns on me that he was scared, not terrified but unfamiliar with where he was and aimlessly wandering. Mustering the few remaining brain cells I had to command I knew that the only open police stations would be either Southend or Rayleigh. Sending him to Southend would have been a huge mistake for any number of reasons so I decided to take him with me to Rayleigh and leave him on the dorstep like a young mum with an unwanted baby. Not the most noble of gestures I know but at least he'd be ok. So for around a mile we tells me about his rich family, why he's in Rayleigh and where in Basildon he actually lives.
The last I saw of him was as I waved goodbye and ran round the corner to avoid any questions as to just why this kid was asking for a taxi in a police station.

stay tuned!!!

x

My life and it's many drama's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-22T04:44:00.000-08:00

Ok so I'm sat comfortably with a fresh cup of coffee on my desk and 'Ink Dot Boy' blasting from my i-pod (he's an artist I discovered through myspace and his album is free to download, I like it). I hope you find yourself suitably refreshed because this blog my take a while for me to get through.

This blog entry is going to be honest, I won't be naming any names but my actions described here-in actually happened. You may find some of it funny (and with hindsight some of it is) but I assure you that no dramatic liberties have been taken.

January 17th saw me rise early for another shift at Burtons. A ritual I dread, what with being a night owl I find that 7.30 am has a nasty habit of disagreeing with me. Work doesn't start until around 9am but I have to walk near enough two and a half miles to get there so I find that after making coffee and showering I need around 90 minutes to get everything done. My shift passed like it does every week, I do what jobs have been waiting for me and chat to Les at every available opportunity about glorious geek culture.
What made the 17th so unususal was not a change in this schedule but rather the chastising I recieved for being different. The subject of holidays arose and whilst everyone confidently claimed that an ideal break involves little more than sunbathing, drinking and sleeping I threw down my opinion that hell sounded very similar (in my opinion). Now I am fully aware that we are all individuals, we do not follow the same paths, beliefs and ideals. Were this the case I should be living in a very dull world but I have to say that I never expect the backlash I was met with. Words began to fly around rather too casually claiming I was 'boring', 'dull' and 'incapable' of having fun. Luckily however this torrent of abuse was only for about 5 minutes, basically due to the fact that my shift ended before my work colleagues opinions did - phew.
That evening I had a family party to attend and so after briefly dropping in to see my Nan we returned home, changed and made our way to Southend. The party was being thrown for the youngest (and last) of my beloved grandads brothers, yes Jim had reached 75 years old (a feat that sadly none of the others had managed to achieve). The party was a fairly quiet affair and gave me the opportunity to see people that I only ever see at such events. Shockingly almost everyone else there my age appeared to have a child already and there I was without even a girlfriend to impregnate. Still whilst everyone else stuck talking to who they knew I decided to introduce myself to those distant relatives that I didn't know. There's only so many times afterall that I'm going to tolerate conservative people telling me what a fucking sacrifice my parents have made for me. Excuse me but my life isn't exactly riding on a wave of ecstasy and I have given up more than I ever knew possible to pursue MY path in life - I do so hate to upset you by not working for a damn bank and being a mindless drone.
By the end of the evening everyone was waiting for me to stop talking and get back to the car. Years ago I was being encouraged to talk to people in a bid to kill off my shyness - go figure.

On the 20th of January I turned 27!!!! A land mark age and one with only a year left in which to die a rock n roll death. Then again I'm not a musician or a talented actor so it would appear I'm safe to venture on and see 28 in next year.
Being that my birthday fell on a tuesday I knew that trying to orchestrate a drink amongst friends would be difficult so rather than be sat in Rayleigh (hell) all day I decided to escape to London for a few precious hours of solace. Not having much money I searched google and found a site that provided addresses for movie locations and with a pocket map went straight to Weston Park which it turns out is not too far from Tottenham. I don't know this area at all but if I was going to find the Shauns house from 'Shaun of The Dead' I had little choice but to check it out. It turns out that the trip was a success, after only half an hour from the underground station I found it, took pictures and later posted them on facebook. Returning to central London was easy, I jumped on a bus to Trafalgar Square and decided to take in the sites which in reality consisted of cheap fried chicken franchises. It was on the bus however that I got a message from an ex girlfriend wishing me a happy birthday. Can I hear a sharp intake of breath as you wonder what I did with this development???? This 'ex' had dumped me 4 weeks into our relationship (back in July) to return to her ex who she didn't want to be with. Sounds complicated right and with a mind like mine I came to the conclusion that she was being dragged into some kind of cult. Time passed and we would see each other at various social gatherings, if nothing we were friends - or so I thought!!!!!!
You may remember that on the 3rd of Jan I went to a club to meet a girl for a date (more on her later) who never showed up. My ex however was there and after a few drinks she began flirting with me, something at evolved into a 'shared' moment in the womens toilets at a near by pub (romantic huh). Now I have always liked my ex and was upset that despite the fact she liked me she (for some still unknown reason) claimed that she couldn't be with me. On this occasion however she said that she had made a mistake and just needed to find the strength to leave this twat (sorry I adlibbed that bit) of a boyfriend and be with me. I was buzzing, excited and anxious to see her again - stupidly I believed her when she said she'd be in touch.
For two and half weeks I heard nothing except snippets of information which I felt warranted her lack of communication. A family crisis and an operation seemed like viable reasons to need time and account for my continued waiting. By the 18th however I felt enough was enough and sent a heartfelt message her way laying down my feelings and hopes for the future. And it was on the bus destined for Trafalgar that I got my answer, I was nothing more than a bit of fun - nothing had changed. Despite the fact that she is miserable with this guy I am in no way going to risk breaking their union - happy fucking birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I paraded around London for a few more hours and recalled an invite from Ben way over in Wimbledon. Now I was due to meet Laura at around 5.30 (ish) and it being 4 I (somewhat naively) felt it possible for me to see him for a drink and return in time to see Miss Hyde. By the time I got to Wimbledon it was around 5 and at that moment Laura called to say she was ready - bummer. Her being in Canning Town it was just too far for her to get to Wimbledon and so sadly we agreed to reschedule our meeting for another time (my apolgies Laura x). Ben and I however had a drink or 4 and had a great evening laughing the whole time. We even looked like an old gay couple at an Indian restaurant before I had to return to my emotional prison that many other people refer to as Rayleigh.

Yesterday had a few dramas of it's own. Firstly the bus I was on clipped a cab as it tried to turn out of a side road. The bus had barely a scratch whilst the cab lost an entire front wing, details were swapped our driver smoked an endless supply of cigarette's with a still shaking hand and we were all ushered off the bus to await a replacement. I was half an hour late for work.
At work Heather and I were both knackered and not in our usual high spirits although we did agree to start writing very soon.
As we shut the shop and I looked forward to waiting in the cold for a bus I recieved a text message from the person known by the name of 'hot goth girl' whom I have mentioned previously.
I met her at my junior school reunion and completely forgot her soon after, she got hold of my number through a mutual friend (I assume) and wanted to go on a date. She then got uncomfortable because I had a date organised with someone else before she asked me out (I still have yet to go on that date as it happens) and to top it off she got annoyed when a work colleague (of mine) sent her a message. A few weeks later and still curious I sent her a message and it appeared that she was still interested so we agreed to meet at Evo on the 3rd of Jan (yes the night all that other business happened). I waited all night for her to show up, I have a number of people who can verify this fact but she claimed I BLEW HER OUT!!!!!!!!!! Sorry hunny but I was exactly where I said I was going to be. Again a few weeks of nothing until last night when she sends me some very erotic and explicit messages saying that she wants me. It now being 15 odd months since my last experience with something other than my hand and a visit to 'you porn' decided to be reckless and make my way to her. Even the fact that she then told me her address was in Eastwood failed to dampen my spirits and I duly started walking. Messages kept coming and I ignored the cold/rain to focus my mind on the evening ahead. Eventually after around 50 minutes I get to her address and call her, the phone is answered but met with giggling. With no other option I turn around and walk the rest of the way back home, the only other message declaring 'Now you know what it feels like to be stood up'.
I've had enough with the psycho's and the weirdo's I don't deserve this kind of shit anymore. There are people out there who love and admire me for who I am. I've been through enough crap in the last 10 years to see me through the next decade on credit. Whoever 'hot goth girl' is I may never know but without even giving me a chance she condemned me so to you I say "YOUR FUCKING LOSS"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well done for leading me on with the promise of sex.

I wonder what today's going to bring??????????????

No news, damned wedding video's, Cardiff, writing and running out of steam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-15T12:50:00.000-08:00

Something of a change in tone for this post people. The last few days have not been kind and I have been left in a position that I find unfavourable to my new outlook on life.

Firstly I still am firmly in the dark as to events surrounding the 3rd Jan. Feelings remain locked in a kind of limbo and until I get a definitive answer (on either side of the fence) I am unsure of how to proceed.

Now you may remember that some time ago I was employed to shoot and edit a wedding video for a friend of a friend. The day went well and the understanding was that I would edit the film and hand over the file on a usb pen for the couple to copy, burn or rip as they pleased. Problems however started in the transfer process where I found that the tape kept jumping so to combat this I had to transfer it a number of times and edit around the jumps with careful monitoring of seperate files. This took a lot of time and after completing it once was dismayed to learn that the computer hadn't saved the finished movie and I had to do it again. So after what seemed like a lifetime of work I saved the files and made my way to see the groom to tell him I'd finished. Excitedly he gave me a usb pen and I a returned home to transfer the video only to find that my PC wouldn't recognise the pen at all. We then agreed that I would find another pen and lend him this to extract the files so after a few minutes on the HMV website one was soon on it's way.
I waited for around a week until it arrived, installed the programs and dropped the pen off for him to enjoy.....or so I thought.
It would appear that the pen crashed his system, the files wouldn't open and he was unhappy to the extent that he now wants the tapes for soemone else to transfer. This sent my happy frame of mind into disarray. I never intended to do anything but the best for him and had gone out of my way to ensure that the project was completed to the full extent of my powers. The video opens with windows media player (I've checked) so I hope that the problem may be that he was attempting to open it with a different program.
Nevertheless I am going to see Maddie tomorrow so that we can use her PC to burn the files to DVD which will hopefully be the end of the matter. The way things are right now however I won't be holding my breath.

My second cousin (we call each other sort of cousins) Benedict is throwing a birthday party for his 27th and I've been invited down to Cardiff for the weekend. In years gone by I'd have made excuses and avoided going due to nerves or something equally as stupid but this year I'm off. And I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Worryingly I have found recently that my writing has dried up, I lack direction and motivation. This despite the fact that I hate being in Rayleigh and know deep down that the only thing to get me out of Essex entirely is going to be my writing because it isn't going to be my customer service.

Here's hoping that the problems listed above are all on their way out and a wonderous golden era set to rock my world.

Stay tuned!!!!!

Ever get that feeling that people actually do care????

2009-01-07T05:37:00.000-08:00

Ok so 2009 is now a week old and I've already seen two friends turn 27 and my cousin join the ranks of the 30 somethings. My own birthday is looming (on the 20th) and there are still a few others to remember before February makes an appearance.

Having been a member of the human race for almost 27 years (although some would debate that) I have experienced a fair bit. My heart has been broken more than once, I've been to university, been poor (a lot), got through depression, travelled, met famous people, suffered for my art, been fat (and lost it) and most importantly lost my virginity - which at 14 seemed like something I'd been keeping with me for many years to come.
The point is that I now have a pretty big circle of friends, I don't get shy when meeting new peeple and I haven't actually been unhappy for ages....so long in fact that I don't remember what it was that last upset me.
The recent development in my life (which I'm not prepared to mention just yet) has shown me just how much people care. Gone are the days of feeling isolated and miserable. Now I find that I'm liked, loved even and you know what it's the best feeling in the world.

I shall return with a more detailed blog when I know more

Love
x

If you could only see inside my head!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-06T07:02:00.001-08:00

Saturday night was not the night I intended it to be. People that were meant to be there weren't and people I never expected to see somewhat randomly showed up. The largest bombshell of the evening revolving around something I'm not prepared to even mention at the moment - imagine that a speechless Ross!!!!!!

The girl known to me and consequently those who know me as 'hot goth girl' was due to turn up at Evo and despite such a prospect I was apprehensive to venture there alone. I don't think anyone would willingly engage such an evening in this manner unless they were somewhat of a loner anyway. Luckily for me though (despite Heathers absence) I was fortunate enough to learn that Leanne and her sister were already there so at least my last shred of dignity could be maintained for a while longer should hot goth girl fail to show.
There we sat drinking beer and talking about life as messages flashed up on my phone saying that she was getting ready and that she would be only a few more minutes. Worryingly though I was facing the very real prospect of having to catch the last bus home and as time ticked by so did my window of freedom. At 10.30 (ish) we were still waiting and the bus was due at 11.26, by then though we'd left evo and gone for a drink at the pub over the road. Another 20 minutes later and I recieve a message telling me that she's been delayed by her mates and that she hopes I can hang on to see her.
Then randomly a friend calls me and says that her evening had gone very badly and wants to know where I am so that we can have a night out. I tell her about evo and before I know it she's agreed to pay for a cab fare home as long as I stay where I am so I figure, why not. At least now I don't have to worry about missing hot goth girl on my return to evo.
Having sorted out this problem Helen then appears and I introduce her to Leanne and the gang before something very unexpected but equally desired happens for the next 15 minutes. Needless to say that this is about as far as I'm willing to go at the moment but I can say that this situation has got my mind going in every direction possible.

Until later!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rather than list a seemingly random selection of words I think it best to simply recall whats happened to me recently!!!

2009-01-03T10:14:00.000-08:00

2009 has finally arrived and (as always) when I find myself on the threshold of a new year I promise myself that things will get better, that by this very point next year I will be famous and have a collection of awards littering my mantlepiece. I promised this to myself in 2008, after what had been a somewhat crappy year and whilst waiting out the last few minutes of 2007 in the company of Jools Holland I honestly felt change was immanent. 12 months later and I find the same sentiments clouding my mind only this time, this time, I know I'm ready.
My writing has improved a lot this last year, even if I do say so myself and as such a comment would indicate so has my confidence. No more do I care what people think, you either like me or don't and if you don't then I fail to see why we'd be sharing the same space anyway, so it's not really a great loss now is it. With Christmas rapidly becoming a distant memory I shall shortly (tomorrow) be resuming some kind of fitness regime so that I feel less tardy due to the excess sugar in my diet of late.
My new year was spent in the (somewhat) traditional location of 'Ye Olde Smacke' in Leigh-On-Sea and it was great to see Ben, Jim and Tony after what seems like an eternity since we were all last together. At 2am however I didn't relish the very real possibility that a cabbie would be raping my wallet for a journey back home and so being rather resourceful I decided to sleep on my Nan's couch for the night. Not being home I knew that the chances of me drunkenly waking her up were slim so I arranged the cushions on her sofa (a vintage 1973 model) and closed my eyes to the (now) spinning room around me. Sadly however I was only able to muster around 5 hours sleep before I woke and had to wait until 10am (which I felt was a reasonable hour) to call someone for a lift. Thank god Nanna had those DVD's to help pass the time.

On Jan 2nd Heather (a good friend) and I decided that we'd hit the high street to check out the sales and purchase some new clothes....a floorless plan only for the fact that this years sales are rubbish and there was nothing worth buying. Still I did get a Jimmy Carr DVD on sale so the day was not entirely lost.

Off to 'Evolution' tonight so it should be a good night - I shall report back, fear not

New year, new blogs - promise!!!!!

2008-12-31T03:00:00.000-08:00

Ok so I've been a little lax on the whole blog front of late but I assure you once the holidays are over and things sink back into normality a little I shall resume my duty of documenting my life for you all, please stay tuned!!!!!!!!!!!

Updates!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-15T06:13:00.000-08:00

In a few hours I'm off to see 'The Mighty Boosh' at Wembley and I can't wait.

Things seem to be going well at the moment, yes I may be broke, working all day, everyday and single but I haven't felt this good in......well......ever - actually.
I'm content, healthy and my future is finally what I want it to be.

I shall return

Work, work, work, work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-12T05:17:00.000-08:00

My routine for the last few weeks appears to be as simple as wake up, go to work, get back, watch two episodes of House M.D. and go to sleep - how exciting is that!!!!!!!!!
My writing has been neglected as has my guitar hero but I've got thinner and I feel more healthy for it which is one advantage (the only advantage) to living 30 mins away from the bus stop.

I have however started developing a sitcom which although in the early stages is looking quite good (so far at least).

This post is going to be disjointed anyway so I can say here that having been contacted by a hot goth girl I met in a bar I was dumped before even our first date because I'd already asked someone out BEFORE she contacted me. Pardon my feeble mind but isn't that just a little bit fucked up - still I guess it's a matter of perspective.

Later people - guess what I've got to go to work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Work, lack of direction, a mystery text, Dylan Moran, money obsessed family members and plans......so many plans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-07T04:31:00.000-08:00

Having been unemployed or more precisely employed for 7.5 hours a week at Burtons I have had a lot of time on my hands and no money to do anything with. That is until I started working back at Threshers....more hours = more money and a lack of free time.

My writing has suffered over the last few weeks, poor Dr Kaneleigh is stuck in episode 5 - emtombed in a scenario I've yet to rescue him from. The motivation I had for being 'discovered' as a hot new TV writer has also dried up at present and the thoughts running around my head have altered from episode directions to making sure I get the right bus. I hope this is only a temporary situation and that in time things will change, no scatch that things MUST change or I will start killing those in my path!!!!!!!!

Now before you start to wonder whether a previous stalker has resumed their activities and rekindled an interest in following my actions I have to make it clear that I have a new one.
It started the other day with a text message telling me that I'm 'hot' and that we should meet up, I am however unaccustomed to such sentiments and I felt perhaps a wrong number had winged it's way in my direction. I asked who it was and was assured we'd met in a pub in Leigh a while ago - thing is I have (and continue) to have no memory of this. After searching my brain for a clue, a hint of this girl I came up with nothing - the only girl I remember talking to in Leigh was a platinum blonde who was with an old school friend at a brief reunion about 6 weeks ago. Confused and curious I spoke with Leanne about this outside 'Dark Dayz' as I waited for the bus and she confirmed that there was another woman who succeeded in securing my attentions that night - the plot thickens!!! Apparently the only other goth girl in the pub drew me in like a 'goth to a flame' (my own way of explaining my attraction to goth girls). I was told that she was very very hot and that I was getting on so well with her that they all thought we were old friends - it would seem that one of my infamous five minute black outs must have struck me. I have now been asked out for a drink which of course I am eager to accept........except I already have a date lined up with a hot goth girl in Bristol and I don't wish to upset her by saying that I've met someone else without not even meeting her. How will this end???????

I have successfully secured tickets for Dylan Moran on the 9th Feb. Yes Heather and I are going to see a comic genius at work......I can't wait!!!!!!!

Money obsessed family members are something I have been cursed with for many years and I still haven't quite killed off the fact that it pisses me off, despite over 25 years experience.
The plan appears to be that I am to remain emtombed, unable to move on and escape so that I can hand over money (that could be saved towards a flat) and remain unhappy. I get nothing from them, find the whole routine boring, idiotic, illogical, lazy, whiny and greedy. I don't to bore you further but will say that when I get out....that's it I'm out (and I'm never coming back)

Plans - like so much in life have either a habit of working or failing. There is so much I want to do and so much to consider, I've made sacifices (no car) and worked more hours at work and yet apart from the odd perk nothing has changed. I want to move out, move on and actually live life as an adult rather than the 10 year old child I find myself viewed as in Rayleigh.
I must succeed.........MUST

Blu-Ray updates, Tightrope Pictures, The Batcave, My Ex, House M.D., My upcoming date and my loss of innocence

2008-12-02T09:17:00.000-08:00

Greetings and apologies for the lack of blogs recently - I never seem to have a dull moment in my life at present and free time is thin on the ground. Still I'm happy so who cares.

The blu-ray player in question was bought a year ago (as part of a package with an HD TV) back then they had the standard 1.0 profile and were pretty slow. Fast forward 12 months and we now have access to 2.0 profiles which means that some discs are a bastard to load, not a problem until I purchased 'Futurama'. The disc wouldn't progress past the menu page and I figured it was either the disc or the machine at fault, then on Saturday Gaz rents 'The Happening' and the same thing happens - 20th Century Fox discs are not playing ball. So I do a little a research and find that there's an update online, all you have to do is load it to a CD-R and bingo Profile 2.0 - or so you'd think.
My computer was able to download the program without a hitch and even burn the disc but when I put it in the Blu-ray it did nothing. So after much head scratching and a shit load of CD's I figure that the discs aren't finalising and search for a free program online to enable me to do so. 20 minutes later and Futurama is playing in glorious 1080p - I did it, round of applause please!!!!!!

Tightrope pictures is a production company based in London and it came to my attention through a friend (Maddie) who's mum was at school with the owner. A contact with a little potential was the general feeling and I promptly sent episode one off in March. I was told to contact Dan McCollough and wait 6 weeks for feedback. I did, and then I waited, enquired, waited and then waited a little more. Today I call him up and find that he no longer works for the company, they're in the process of relocating and I'm told to try elsewhere - bummer. Still at least I know he's not avoiding me anymore.

The Batcave is the name that Heather and I have for our flat. A little premature I know, what with not actually having moved out yet but the potential is there so hopefully we can start to make a few enquiries in the new year - if not before.

I had a dream last night (well nightmare) that I was back with my ex, the vicious harpy who broke off our engagement to follow foolish dreams (I'm putting it lightly). I'm the happiest I've ever been and rarely think about her at all so I hope the cold sweats diappear as swiftly as they came.

I have to thank David for lending me a few DVD's of House M.D. and getting me into a great TV show that I'd failed to catch up until now. I can't wait for the next few discs.

With payday looming I will finally have enough money to go on my date with Samantha all the way in Bristol. Thing is I've never been there and she doesn't know the area well either so it's going to be a fun day. I'm looking forward to it though and if her e-mails are to be believed so is she - result!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was brought to my attention that since I last worked at Threshers I have shed the 'good boy' image I once had and taken to the dark side a little. All because I attended a staff meeting drunk and smoking cigars - I ask you. Believe me I know this is a good thing, those who knew me have seen a change and it's all for the better. They know and I know it.

A small update - more in depth one to follow

2008-11-28T05:24:00.000-08:00

I have to leave for work in a few minutes so I all I can really say about the last few days is that I've laughed a lot, felt ever so slightly uncomfortable at Dark Dayz (this is until Heather and David rescued me) and that my finger is still numb.

Explanations will be swift!!!!!

Successful flirting??, London, Star Wars lego (PS2) and Blu-Ray upgrades!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-25T16:26:00.000-08:00

Last night I did something that I've wanted to do for a while now and asked out someone on facebook. Not perhaps the most conventional action in relation to a social networking website but a necessary one, the best bit is that she appears to be interested. I don't want to say too much and jinx the whole thing but I am willing to say that from our conversations I like her a lot and am hopeful that our first meeting won't be a disaster.

With my creative juices having dried up recently I took full opportunity of a day off and made my way to London. In london I feel alive, the coma that Essex puts me into is lifted and for a few hours nothing matters. I survive on a diet of Cherry Coke and a slab of Flapjack for the duration of my visit and take in everything on offer. Today I started in Notting Hill and found and original 'Banksy' which gave me a huge buzz, five minutes later and I'm standing outside a pub used in 'Withnail & I'. Having now exhausted Notting Hill, I walk in the direction that seems the busiest and eventually find myself in Holland Park, passing a few charity shops on the way (original 1983 Blade Runner VHS rental edition in mint condition for 99p - thank you Oxfam). I then thought I knew where I was and head towards the underground station and to my surprise find myself back in Notting Hill, weird. Anyways I pass George Orwells house and the (book) shop used in the movie 'Notting Hill' so all was not in vain. After that I decided to take a trip to Camden Town but after stopping at Baker Street station I jump off and decide to see Abbey Road again which I seem to remember is only round the corner. Sadly however it isn't, last time I was there I came from the opposite direction and nothing seems familiar so I get lost (again). Seeing a sign post for Camden I decided to walk the 1 1/2 miles and catch the underground from there, even after a few wrong turns I eventually start to recognise my surroundings and take in the atmosphere.
After an hour or so I remember that in Aldgate East a pub still stands that was frequented by Jack the Rippers victims it's not long before I'm on my way there and surprisingly I get lost (again, notice a pattern here). Finding it I quickly realise that there's little else to do and not knowing where I am walk for ages until I stumble across another underground station and make my way to Oxford Street - an area I know very well.
So taking a little time out to visit a few shops, be approached by charity workers (in Leicester Square) and walk down Shaftsbury Ave I returned to Essex and slipped my brain back into it's coma - although now (at least) it's recharged for the moment.

Having now got my PS2 back I bought Star Wars lego the other day and have been loving every minute. Whilst my finger is still numb from 'Guitar Hero' it's a happy medium but I'm hoping that my self imposed ban will be lifted by next pay day because Guitar Hero World Tour has got KoRn on it and numbness or not I can't wait to try that!!!!!!!

I have access to a blu-ray player, it's not mine but I can use it. Knowing this I have bought a few discs and fallen in love with the HD quality that 1080p offers. The other day I bought the new Futurama movie and am annoyed that the player is having difficulty uploading it. I think this is to do with the fact that it's only a 1.0 and not 2.0 which means that I'm going to have to research a little to find out how I can instigate the necessary upgrade. Such fun!!

Updates, Goth Girls (again), 5 Minute Blackouts, The sexy woman at the bus stop, Attention seeking and Sewing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-24T06:08:00.000-08:00

Rather than try and stretch out these points individually to a paragraph (of sorts) I'm thinking that it's easier to just say that my finger is still numb from Guitar Hero, I got really cold last night waiting for a bus that took 50 minutes to arrive and I've discovered a Mexican beer that's quite nice although I'm not going to attempt to spell it.

Goth Girls, Goth Girls, Goth Girls.....Always on my mind at the moment, from the minute I wake to the second I lose consciousness (sometimes they even appear in my dreams as well). Am I sick, am I obsessed like one of those characters in a Brian De Palma movie or is my mind trying to tell me the type of woman I'm attracted too so that my body can go out and find one?? For the first time since both the club has opened and I've been working at Threshers I have a Thursday night off which means that the invitation from Leanne can be accepted...I can go to Dark Dayz and see actual goth girls - up close. What concerns me is the idea of being asked out (but not asked out) by a girl I was crazy about for the four weeks that we went out. Ok so four weeks may not be the most in depth relationship on record but I'm not too impulsive and I know when something feels right (and believe me if I know something isn't right with anyone I won't be spending any unnecessary time with them). Nevertheless should I harbour those feelings I'm sure it will bite me in the ass so I've decided to accept the situation, remain friends and have a good night - at least that's the plan, who knows what will happen.....no..no..no..NO I can't, mustn't, shouldn't say anything. Isn't life fun!!!

In a not totally unrelated subject I was telling someone at work the other day (hi David) about a strange phenomenon that appears to affect me in clubs. The fact that I'm single should not detract from the reality that I have been out and kissed a few women over the last 12 months and although attempts to take this further have been met with little success it has brought to my attention my five minute black outs.
Before you start to imagine that one of my 'black outs' is an excuse for violence I have to remind you that I am a pussy. In 26 years I have never been involved in a fight, never hit anyone or been hit, I hide or runaway. Violence makes me uncomfortable and the idea of pain is enough of a deterrant for me, when I'm drunk I tend to tell complete strangers I love them or sing karoke badly which is embarrassing enough the next day.
My 'black outs' seem to occur in clubs, the big noisy ones full of strangers where you have to shout into someones ear to get a response and where couples go just to annoy single people. In this environment (and this has happened a few times) I get seperated from the people I'm with and find myself talking to a woman I find attractive (I say woman, on two occasions I found myself with 18 year old girls WHO WERE STUDYING FOR THEIR A-LEVELS). This is where the 'black out' springs into action and for five minutes I lose all control over what it is that I'm saying or doing. When I regain full control I find myself kissing this woman and exchanging phone numbers (which is pointless because I should know by now that they never ever want to meet up in the cold light of day). What happens to me during these black outs is something I need to find out, what do I say and how do I act. Perhaps my drunk self can give my sober self a few tips on how to pull women or maybe the fact that clubs are full of people consuming alcohol the answer is impossible to hypothesise...who knows. The only plan I can formulate is to go out with a friend who has to remain stone cold sober and follow me around, recording my actions...maybe then the secret will present itself. Until I have the answer I think it's best to avoid gay clubs, because despite the fact that I'd love the attention I was getting I'm not sure that regaining consciousness after a five minute black out would hold the same level of excitement as previous experience has shown me. Then again...No, I'm not attracted to men!!

Yesterday as I waited for the bus to take me to Southend high street I was joined by a woman who ticked off all the boxes, at least in the appearance section of my mental checklist. She was tall, had long dark hair, blue eyes, slim figure and all her own teeth. As I sat perched on the edge of a large cement flower pot I could barely concentrate on the book I was reading because there she was, my ideal woman. Of course with her standing there it was easy to imagine that she was smart, intellectual and funny. That she'd be familiar with the works of Alan Moore, Ralph Bakshi and Marty Feldman thus making her that much more attractive to a guy like me. She wouldn't want to go to the cinema to see Mamma Mia, for our night's out we'd HAVE to go to Notting Hill and catch a showing of some French movie that had caused a ripple of excitement amongst the three critics bothered enough to see it. We'd go to see exciting new bands before they were famous and have wonderful stories to tell our kids about getting drunk with the man that was now raking in millions of dollars a week. We'd be able to buy a bottle of red wine and sit in the garden watching the stars with a telescope before deciding that the neighbours were far more interesting in their nocturnal activities. We'd make unconventional sandwiches, smoothies, ice-creams, cakes and cocktails (some of which would actually work). We'd go for long walks and get lost before returning home freezing cold but never stop laughing through the whole experience.
Is it not a shame then that I said nothing, our eyes only briefly met and my mind was able to run away with itself as it often does.

At 3:30 in the morning (the other day) I decided to remove the Kittie badge from my old bag and sew it to the new one. Finding a lack of black thread I used orange instead which means that my atrocious sewing is obvious to all who walk behind me.
I don't care though!!

More goth girls, Neil (Bloody) Stacy and The Mighty Boosh!!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-21T16:20:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure whether I posted this before but I didn't get the job at the Cliffs Pavillion which means that I'm looking for another part-time job to accumulate the necessary funds for me to move out. I only need around 10-15 hours so it shouldn't be too difficult - right, again I'll keep you posted.

Goth girls never seem to be far from my mind at present, the very prospect of working next to a small goth club holds at least the potential for me to meet a few and hopefully flirt a little. Sadly however I find most evenings pass without even so much as a hint of black eye-liner or tight corset and I ultimately slink away passing the journey home in the pages of a good book (currently The Lost World by Michael Crichton). I'm sure I'll meet one soon enough and all these observations will suddenly lose their potency as I direct my attentions to her...her...

I never did meet Neil Stacy, what a bitch. For three days I carted around that Quatermass daybill and all of it for nothing. Still you win some, you lose some I guess.

This morning my Mighty Boosh tickets arrived, on the 15th Dec Maddie and I are off to Wembley Arena. Finally I know where we are to be seated and it's in the SEVENTH ROW, how awesome is that!!!!!!!

High Fidelity, Threshers, a stereotypical interview, goth girls, guitar hero, VHS tapes and Neil (bloody) Stacy!!!!!!!

2008-11-20T05:47:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since I last wrote anything here and for the legion of 2 people that rwad this blog I apologise. My schedule has changed recently and what with having to catch a bus to work I don't have the hours of free time I once had to talk bollocks all day in the vain hope that somebody out there would listen.

Being that the bus journey takes a good 35 minutes in the afternoon I have been reading Nick Hornby's 'High Fidelity' which I found in a charity shop for the princely sum of 70p - beat that credit crunch!!!! Anyways it has dawned on me that I am no longer reading a wonderful book but a description of my life. The exact same hang-ups I have in my head plague (it would appear) Nick Hornby too, does this mean I'm somewhere near normal or in need of a relationship with a similar thinking male??? I understand men more than women what with being one and all but at the same time I understand women more than 99% of men out there. Does this make me gay (no I'm not attracted to men), bi-sexual (no I'm not attracted to men) or a freak (a more plausible conclusion I fear). Either way the book speaks volumes in regards to my fragile state of being or rather the type of man I have become from the shy, fat and wholly unconfident teenager I once was. This despite the fact that I feel like I'm the teenager I wanted to be when I was 17 but was unable to morph into - go figure.

Threshers is back in my life, something I thought would never happen but then you can't see round corners in life and what with my lack of money I welcomed the opportunity to return. I already knew and had worked with half the staff anyway so it wasn't exactly an alien environment to me. As for the other 50% I have to say that I love working with both Emma and Heather, we can have a laugh and get the job done which makes the process less daunting when I wake up and realise the stop clock on my free time has already begun (and taken with it an hour or two).

A few weeks ago I (and Maddie) went to see Steve Coogan live at the Cliffs Pavillion and we were left cold and perplexed as to why he was so unfunny, even whilst doing Partridge. However on the wall was a poster advertising job vacancies and one of them was for a barman. Now I've done bar work for a total of 3 years and have worked under all kinds of situations so I thought the interview would be a breeze. I decided to check the website in the morning rather than enquire at the bar and be told to fill out the application form online anyway. So still half asleep I log on and find no such vacancy advertised, there is however a job going in the box-office as a supervisor - I could do that surely. Why not, I mean, I am a concession manager and have responsibilities to undertake - fuck it we'll send off an application, what's to lose??
Having sent it off I then get a phone call (about a week later) asking me to come in for an interview - success!!!!!!!!! Finally a job that pays £7.68 an hour and is part-time, land that and I could stay working at Threshers which would enable me enough money to escape Rayleigh. I almost fainted in anticipation at the connotations that this prospect held. But lets not get ahead of ourselves shall we, it is only an interview and I've plenty of those over the years. The day arrives nonetheless and I have to be there for 2.45 so I leave with plenty of time to spare and even wear a shirt to conform with their notions of respectibility even though that sort of stuff shouldn't matter now that we're living in a world that has undergone social changes and upheavals for 50 odd years. Yes I have long hair but whats so bad about that, my dad had long hair 30 years ago and it never did him any harm. Being that I have to be at Threshers by 4 I make sure I have my uniform and introduce myself to the moderatly attractive girl at the box office. I wait in the lobby for 10 minutes when two people approach me and lead me through a series of rooms to a dimly lit office where I'm offered a seat in front of a large white desk. They then make themselves comfortable at the other end and begin scribbling down information on clipboards (yes, I'm in the same interview Daisy Steiner had in 'Spaced' and I know it). After the usual bollocks about 'What you bring to the team' and 'What would do to maximise sales' I slink off to the toilet and get changed so that I don't have to do it at Threshers.
Today came my rejection letter with the generic 'sorry to advise you' slant on what was effectively a waste of time. I'm a writer anyways and hitting sales targets bores the living shit out of me so guess who's not that bothered.

Goth girls have always held a special place in my heart and fantasies. The sight of a girl with long dark hair and eyeliner always gets my attention and has done ever since the summer of 1997 when the few girls I knew discovered Nine Inch Nails and Radiohead. I was left behind by that revolution and had no interest in music to evolve or confidence to grow upon. Even the notion of smoking was off my radar because paying for cigarettes would have meant less money to buy video's with and that was never going to happen now was it.
Recently there has opened a club right next to Threshers - a goth club and yes from time to time we get goth girls come in the shop to buy something. This makes me happy, more happy than a teenager in an empty house and internet access but unfortunately I have been unable (as yet) to chat one of them up and ask her out. It's on my to do list I assure you.

Guitar hero has been returned. My PS2 was on lone to someone in an arrangement that was mutually beneficial, at least for a while. After our schedules and commitments changed I lost access and pined for the return of something I cherished.
Now that I have regained ownership I have a numb index finger, fate it seems is having a little joke at my expense and I'm waiting for the punchline.

VHS tapes fascinate me at the moment. For many they are little more than a dead format, a reminder of how we used to watch movies in the 80's and 90's. It's true that since then there has been a revolution in the home video experience, now we expect little more than perfection when watching a movie on blu-ray in 1080p HD but go back 15 years and widescreen was a luxury. When I used to buy widescreen tapes the staff at HMV would ask me 'You do know this is in widescreen don't you' like I was supposed to say 'Oh really, thanks for the caution'. I remember being 7 and going into video shops that had a back catalogue of titles to choose from, now we find only Blockbusters with 15,000 copies of Indiana Jones 4 but no Temple of Doom. At seven (way back in 1989) I was desperate to see all of the infamous Nightmare on Elm Street movies, a prospect that with hindsight didn't hold as much promise as I'd hoped but it was something I wanted to do. Now with VHS confined to charity shops and chuck out bins I'm able to collect the big old rental copies of classic movies and I'm only paying around 30p. I have ex-rental cpoies of Nightmare on Elm Street 2,3 & 4, Ghostbusters (& 2), Legend and a really old copy of Close Encounters.
Maybe this is little more than nostalgia, I no longer hold the desire to see Nightmare on Elm Street 5 - The Dream Child, I've seen it (and it's rubbish) but owning the tape brings back the memory of wanting to see it and that is something worth holding onto. I can regress back to the late 80's and remember that life isn't so serious, when I had no real responsibilities (except to go to school) and afterall the bullshit that I have to endure as an adult it's something of a comfort to recall a more innocent time.

Neil (Bloody) Stacy is an actor who is currently starring in a production of 'Murder With Love' at the Palace Theatre and I want to meet him for one reason. He was in 'The Quatermass Conclusion' way back in 1979 and I have an Italian daybill for it that needs signing (it may have been made for TV here but in Europe it was edited down to a movie and shown theatrically) and so far I've got Toyah Wilcox, David Yip and Simon McCorkindale to scrawl their names upon it. Meeting actors at stage doors means you don't have to pay like at a convention which can get expensive especially when funds are tight. I work only about 2 minutes from the Palace and the bus stop right outside is a good place to wait but so far I've been unsuccessful, Friday will be my last chance so I hope I find him....I'll let you know

Is there ligh at the end of what has been a very long tunnel???

2008-11-09T05:13:00.000-08:00

Things may actually be picking up a little here but I am cautious in my optimism what with the experiences I've had in the past. Everytime I get hopeful it comes crashing down around my ears, this does not make me paranoid or negative but experience hasn't been kind.

My Return to Threshers!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-31T10:06:00.000-07:00

I've got my old job at Threshers back!!!!!!!!!

I hope another radio station offers Russell Brand a new show!!!!!!!

2008-10-29T18:12:00.001-07:00

I have to say that I'm absolutely shocked at how much of a backlash this whole incident has caused over the last few days. I download Russell's podcast every week and have done for about 2 years now, in fact I have an archive on my hard-drive and over what is little more than a joke he's resigned. I only hope Jonathan Ross doesn't follow suit and leave the BBC with a talent vacuum which will inevitably end up filled with shit like 'strictly come dancing' or whatever.
The 'Daily Mail' readers out there need to realise that society is not crumbling and that the "good old days" never existed. People are people, it doesn't matter where or when you live there are always people who will fuck you over and those who will stretch themselves to help you. Who can forget the hysteria caused when Cronenbergs 'Crash' was released in 1996 and outraged 'Mail' readers protested at such a disgusting film being released despite the fact that none of them saw it. If attitudes were never pushed and ideas challenged we'd still be racist, sexist, homophobic and poor.
I support Russell Brand and will follow him in whatever he does because I respect the fact that if I listen I may be challenged from to time.

On the subject of me I am to attend a sort of interview tomorrow to try and get my old job at Threshers back. Having no car and no money I will be cycling for a while until sufficient finance is raised and I can purchase another car.
This is by no means a huge step in my life but right now things can't get much worse so it can only be good.
Later dear readers

Ross
Peace & Love
xx

New lows and possible reconciliation????

2008-10-26T08:38:00.000-07:00

I apologise for the lack of updates recently (to those of you reading this) but I have a really bad time over the last two weeks. This state has arisen from a number of sources and despite my best efforts I have been unable to tunr it around, so far!!!

Despite sending off application forms and attending interviews I have either been left with an urgency to keep looking or am still awaiting a response (which sucks BLOCKBUSTER!!!!). To top this off my car died practically in the middle of a roundabout in peak time whilst I had a bus right behind me. Had it not been for the kindness of strangers I'd have been really fucked so to those who claim society is going down hill and that everything was so much better in the past I say 'BOLLOCKS'. To add insult to injury the Steve Coogan show I was on my way to was a huge disappointment - seriously what the hell happened to Mr Coogan actually making me laugh????

I have however finished episode 4 of my series and I'm really pleased with it thus far, only a further two more and my series is finished (again).
oh and the best news ever is that I've been invited over to America by my best friend and his new girlfriend (who is amazing) to stay and hang out. All I need now is a job to exploit for the airfare and I may be able to salvage a scrap of that emotion that has been neglecting me for the last 5 years......happiness.

What the Fuck???

2008-10-13T07:49:00.001-07:00

Having been to HMV today I feel that I have to highlight the fact that someone had put a copy of 'Day of the Locust' in the horror section. Had I been there such a mistake would never have been made but when I'm overlooked just look what happens.

The unexplained????

2008-10-10T05:25:00.000-07:00

I have to say that for some reason I'm happy at the moment but am unable to explain why, things just feel right I guess. And in such a situation I want not to question the motives for my mood but to embrace them for as long as possible. I am what I am, I refuse to hide behind social conventions and attitudes to conform with what is deemed as 'polite'. Financially I may be pretty low on the scale but I masterbate too - there I said it I owned up to a universal truth that millions deny and refuse to talk about.
Anyhow rather than become a social guerilla I have had something of an eventful week. On Saturday I shot an entire wedding for a friend of a friend. How did I land this job you wonder? (or maybe not) Well Maddie mentioned my name to a friend of hers who was getting married and needed a cheap (but reliable) videographer and so last saturday I found myself in Kelvedon surrounded by strangers and praying that the batteries would hold out in the camera. Having got everything in the can (insider lingo) I then spent Sunday/monday/tuesday editing the footage which took ages because basically my computer is in desperate need of binning. Rest assured though the footage has been downloaded, edited and saved for the bride and groom to critic when they return from honeymoon.
On Wednesday I decided that I had to get out of the house (turning the computer on my have melted my brain) so I took the cheque (my payment) to the bank. Not a thrilling outing but then I did join the que in front of a man wearing tights and bright yellow crocks (you know those weird rubber shoes) who smelt of stale urine, nice. I decided whilst in town to call Leanne and see if she wanted to say hi for a bit and to my shock she said she would. What the fuck I was thinking I'm not sure. Not that I regretted asking her but I really want to go out with her again, I just know they'll never be anyone else like her again and to be honest being single for a year has sucked ass. However the opportunity to say hi never appeared, she had some workmen round to fit double glazing or something and despite the fact that I wandered around for almost 2 hours waiting for the bastards to leave by the time they did she was not longer free. Fantastic. Maybe it was for the best - who the fuck knows????
And in returning to the fact I highlighted my current mood as being 'good' I have to close. I feel as though opportunities may finally be coming my way, a chance to prove to all the doubters that I was right all along and that can achieve what I set out to do. I did not choose to be a writer, it chose me. I'm glad it did, the world has changed for me now, I've learnt lessons and made excellent friends along the way and I wouldn't have it any other way.

In the spirit of Empire I hereby list my top 100 movies of all time!!!!

2008-10-03T11:46:00.000-07:00

I am placing this list in no particular order, were I too I'd be forever moving it around and wouldn't get anything published.

100 Alien
99 Boogie Nights
98 Bride of Frankenstein
97 Rocky Horror Picture Show
96 Invasion of The Body Snatchers (1978)
95 Lord of The Rings - The Return of The King
94 Wizards (1978)
93 Serpico
92 Carry On Screaming
91 Zulu
90 L A Confidential
89 Blade Runner
88 M
87 Blow Out
86 Superman 2
85 Planet of The Apes (1968)
84 Ed Wood
83 An American Werewolf in London
82 Shaun of The Dead
81 Citizen Kane
80 From Russia With Love
79 The Searchers
78 The Wild Bunch
77 King Kong (1933)
76 Seven
75 The French Connection
74 The Exorcist
73 The Omen (1976)
72 Cross of Iron
71 A Clockwork Orange
70 2001
69 The Fly (1986)
68 Young Frankenstein
67 Trainspotting
66 Annie Hall
65 The Terminator
64 Edward Scissorhands
63 National Lampoons Animal House
62 The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938)
61 Casablanca
60 The Maltese Falcon (1941)
59 Peeping Tom
58 Psycho
57 North By Northwest
56 The Lady Vanishes (1938)
55 The Warriors (1979)
54 Jaws
53 Raiders of The Lost Ark
52 Chasing Amy
51 Taxi Driver
50 Deliverance
49 Fritz The Cat
48 Hawk The Slayer
47 The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
46 The Third Man
45 A Night at The Opera
44 Dawn of The Dead (1978)
43 The Three Musketeers (1973)
42 When Harry Met Sally
41 Brazil
40 Apocalypse Now
39 12 Monkeys
38 Battle Royale
37 Metropolis
36 The Testament of Dr Mabuse
35 Straw Dogs
34 The Dark Knight
33 The Lion King
32 If...
31 Fargo
30 Kind Hearts and Coronets
29 Grosse Point Blank
28 Help (1965)
27 Paths of Glory
26 12 Angry Men
25 City Lights (1931)
24 War of The Worlds (1953)
23 Flash Gordon (1980)
22 Mad Max 2
21 Bonnie and Clyde
20 Withnail & I
19 Quadrophenia
18 Dark City
17 Lady Vengeance
16 Aladdin
15 Lawrence of Arabia
14 Fight Club
13 Rear Window
12 The Godfather
11 Goodfellas
10 Ghostbusters
9 The Empire Strikes Back
8 Back To The Future
7 Dr Strangelove
6 Sunset Boulevard
5 Evil Dead 2
4 The Usual Suspects
3 The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
2 The Thing (1982)
1 The Seventh Seal (1957)

So there you have it, there's bound to be a ton of stuff I've forgotten but I were to list my favourite movies the list would be almost endless.

Why does the notion of shouting 'Fuck You' at the world seem so meaningless???????????????

2008-10-01T05:58:00.000-07:00

As you may be able to denote from the title I am not best pleased with the way things have developed and progressed thus far. This is putting it lightly!!!!
On Monday I get a random call from HMV (Lakeside) asking me to come in for an interview the next day - odd considering that I'd already been rejected for the job last week. Regardless I smiled to myself and arranged to get there for 2 in the afternoon. Again the interview goes really well, I say all the right things, make all the right gestures etc but the very next morning I find the inevitable rejection e-mail. WHAT THE FUCK?????? Is it the policy of HMV to ignore those who can actually do the job and instead favour what must be incompetants. I may sound bitter but I am bitter and confused and angry and pissed off by this situation. HMV was far more than just a job it was to be the beginning of a new chapter in my life, a period when I had the money to escape the graveyard that is Rayleigh and move to the slightly more lively Southend. Don't get me wrong I have not suddenly decided to forget the virtues of London in favour of Essex but making the best of a situation is about all I have to cling on to at the moment and in this context Southend represents salvation.
What do I have now but to look elsewhere and keep my head so far in the clouds that I am able to block out my surroundings???? My writing is beginning to suffer and I haven't been truly happy in so long that I can barely think straight anymore.
But back to the original point FUCK HMV, FUCK YOU SO MUCH THAT IT HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I may even feel a little better